Bipolar Blog

By Joe 

In a previous post, “Should I Go or Should I Stay?” I discuss the dilemma that many people face when living with someone who has bipolar disorder.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about relationship dynamics and how these dynamics can trigger confrontations. I’m one of those people, for example, who really needs to please others. I’ll clean the house, cook dinner, do several loads of laundry, plant flowers, take my partner out to dinner, and so forth, just to see her happy. (more…)

I grew up in a household with mental illness in a parent. The illness was never fully identified or named, yet it decimated our family life. I was enormously relieved to realize, over time, what was going on in my family when I was growing up. It helped me understand my parent more and to tell my family story in a way that is less judgmental and critical and more compassionate—toward my parent with mental illness and toward me and my siblings and my other parent. As a professional and as someone who lived with this, I feel strongly about the need for honest, open communication in families when a parent is struggling with mental illness.

The battle to fight stigma in the outside world is important but can’t be done without first facing it at home. (more…)

The Sunday edition of the New York Times, January 13, 2008, carried a story entitled “Take Me as I Am, Whoever I Am” by Terri Cheney, author of Manic: A Memoir, due to hit the bookstores on February 5, 2008. Terri has given us permission to include her article, in its entirety, in our Bipolar Stories section. We invite you to check out Terri’s Article along with stories from our other readers, offer your insights, and share your own story.

Jill Ravitz recently posted her bipolar story, which caused me to think about my own situation with my wife and our family. Back in 1999 my wife was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder. Within about two years, we were discussing divorce.

Bipolar disorder was tearing us and our family apart. We argued all the time, even in front of our children, which all parents know is a big no-no. Our two teenage children were a wreck and were probably hoping we would get divorced so they could get a break from us. Well, maybe they weren’t so secret about it… I can’t recall.

We stayed together. I don’t know whether we were just too lazy to take on the burden of a divorce, too cheap to hire an attorney, too stubborn to let our 20 years + marriage go down the tubes, too afraid to break the news to our families, or too afraid of what divorce would do to our children. I have no idea why we stayed together, but I’m happy we did.

I always admired my wife. She enjoys life more than I do. She lights up a room and engages people. She is sincerely interested in other people. She is intelligent, sensitive, and funny. Her joy is contagious. I married her because of all that and more. Perhaps her energy and joy for life flows from that manic side of bipolar disorder. She is rarely depressed. It’s the mania that causes the most problems for us.

Jill’s story made me think about why Cecie and I got married in the first place. It made me realize what attracted me to her. It made me happy that we decided to stay together and try to keep the bipolar disorder from driving us and our family apart.

I don’t fault anyone for leaving someone who has bipolar disorder. I was very near that point myself. Who knows, maybe someday the disorder could drive my wife to do something I could not tolerate. I don’t know, but I wonder how many people split up prematurely, before they even have a chance to understand what is going on and help their loved one through it. And I wonder how much they lose out by leaving.

People with bipolar disorder are still people. They are still just as wonderful as they were before contracting the illness. What’s so tragic is that the illness can mislead us into thinking that our loved ones are no longer worth loving.