Comments on: Should I Go or Should I Stay?

By: Japie

Japie — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 05:20:50 +0000

Thanx for the advice guys, I am trying to cope with everything but it is not easy. You know telling your wife how much you love her and then 10 minutes later when you come beck she tells you sorry but she is in love with this young man half her age and your daughters fiance is killing me slowly. I tried moving out but she just say she will move out leaving me to look in hes face every day or chase him away and pick up the pieces

By: Joe

Joe — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 11:41:49 +0000

Hi, Japie–

Sounds as though you and your wife need some couples therapy. Your wife having an affair with your daughter’s fiance is wrong, any way you look at it, and it is grossly unfair to you. If your wife has bipolar disorder and this affair is the result of some hypomanic hypersexuality, then her mood level needs to be brought down, so she has a more reasonable perspective. Then, you and your wife need to seek marriage counseling to deal with the pain caused by the affair. Your daughter and her fiance may also need to be brought in for some sort of family counseling at some point.

I also think that your daughter and her fiance need to get their own place. I would have banned the fiance from the premises as soon as I learned of the affair.

Once you have done all that, I think you’ve gone the extra mile to repair the damage and recover your intimate relationship with your wife. If she receives treatment and you’ve done everything possible, and she continues to have affairs, then I think nobody is going to fault you for leaving, but that’s ultimately your decision.

I’m no certified therapist. I’m just offering my two cents as a guy who’s been married about 23 years.

By: Japie

Japie — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 00:32:27 +0000

Hi guys, I am currently married to my wife for 25 years. I found out that she had an affair with my daughters fiance.They stay with us and it is constantly in my face, I can see that she still has feelings for him and catch them in wispering conversations that drive me nutts. I don’t want to run away and prommissed to support her but it is tuff, we haven’t been intamit for the past 6years. I do love her dearly with every bit in me, but do I stay or do I run? It seems like she will never be able to realy love me again and it is killing me

By: Bruce

Bruce — Sat, 31 May 2008 13:59:09 +0000

I am a journalist doing an article on divorcing a bipolar spouse and need a participant who has been involved in this. I supply all questions in advance and you would be afforded the opportunity to review the article before publication for any suggested revisions. You will not be compensated. However, you will be able to provide insight from your experience to others facing a similar situation. If you wish to contribute, you may email me at bruceinirving@yahoo.com.

Below is a link to the site showing some of my articles so you can get the flavor of what we do.
http://www.divorce360.com/articles-by-bruce-mccracken/102.aspx

By: Joe

Joe — Fri, 02 May 2008 22:45:29 +0000

Anyone who found this post interesting may also want to read the post in Bipolar Stories called “A Wife’s Story.”

By: Joe

Joe — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 19:39:00 +0000

Hi, Angie–

I’m not sure anyone can offer the sort of advice you need at this point. What you’re going through is unimaginable for people who haven’t experienced something similar. Fortunately, my wife realized she needed help and continues to this day to identify medications, therapies, and other things that can help alleviate some of the symptoms.

I would recommend that if you have a NAMI (Search NAMI State/Local Groups) group in your area, contact the group and find out if they offer the course for friends and family. This course offers excellent guidance on how to set limits, so you can assist a loved one with bipolar disorder while still encouraging your loved one to take ownership of the problem.

What’s so terrible about bipolar is that the person who has it often lacks the “insight” that they have a problem, so they won’t seek help. By setting limits, your husband will be more aware that if he doesn’t seek help, he will have something to lose, such as your support. (I wouldn’t recommend delivering an ultimatum, though, because I have found that ultimatums rarely work. You need to state what you are willing to put up with and decide for yourself what you will do if he does not obtain treatment.)

I would say “Hang in there,” but if I had a nickel for every time someone told me that, I’d be a very rich man.

By: Considering Relationship Dynamics

Considering Relationship Dynamics — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 18:58:59 +0000

[…] a previous post, “Should I Go or Should I Stay?” I discuss the dilemma that many people face when living with a person who has bipolar […]

By: angie

angie — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 18:22:14 +0000

i have a husband who is in rel bad shape he has a good job we have 5 children and he will not get help he says everyone doest need apill to live but still he self meds his self ,acholol,drugs. what is the difference? he is very mean and his mother doesnt help matters one bit she pets him, but doesnt want to deal with himm on a daily bases.but me and my kids do i have a 6yr old and she is really troubled the older kids are fed up. ilove him he is great when he isnt bipolarin out-but they are becomeing often and getting worse! i know its an illness but he doesnt want help,he always gets mad when i bring it up, but icant take the physical and mental abuse anymore he has all the worst symtons and i have really researched this in detail . i dont want my children to think this is a normal and acceptable behavior!! people on peobation as he is get drug test for illeagal drugs but they wont test him to make sure he takes his meds tha inall reality would keep out of trouble and they have seen his papers that diagnosed him manic-+ bipolar ,does the state or goverment even know how much crimes, domestist and a whole lot more trouble this would stop, maybe the jails and prisons would be so over populated,huh? i would like to leaern more about the whole bipolar thing,but also i pray that more people realize what a terrible illness this is.!!!!!!!!! it is the cause of most addictions!!! i am so confused,please give me some advice????

By: Terri

Terri — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 22:08:14 +0000

I know exactly what driving him away feels like….I’ve apparently dealt with bipolar since a teen but was only recently diagnosed at 32. He’s trying to hold on but is not far from running away screaming. With Medication does it get better? I haven’t been put on any yet.

By: Jill

Jill — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 22:30:52 +0000

Thank you for your support and suggestions. It is a difficult one . I have not attended NAMI but have attended the former MDF , now called MDF THE BIPOLAR ORGANISATION. This is a support group for those with bipolar or those caring for or closely affected by someone’s bipolar disorder. It has been extremely helpful at times, and my partner has also come along too, less often, but atleast he has tried. I have also read and researched quite extensively and come from a medical background, so I do understand the illness very well also having lived day to day with my partner, so it is not just text book leaning, but face to face experience. This is where the mental health team lack experience. Though I do mypartner’s bipolar mood swings only too well, it still does not make it any easier ,as you say, when someone is yelling at you 2 feet away, or threatening worse, or cutting you off from all contact for weeks or months. I do not feel in my partner’s case it is a matter of ownership or compliance. He is attending his appointments, and does take his medication. He feels he is doing what is asked, and in effect he is, but if the psychiatrists can not prescribe the correct combination or dosage of medication, review treatment during episodes, or even recognise symptoms when they occur, it is not up to him. I belive he is still having episodes becuase they have not stabilised his condition. He has made lots of lifestyle adjustments, which only breakdown once in an episode.Insight is not something he can choose and 50 % apparently completely lose their insight during hypomanic phases, and all sensibility goes out of the window, unless there is an incredibly high level of awareness and insight. He does not take himself off his medication. It simply is not working for him and I can not get through to the mental health team because he convinces them he is well, because that is what his mind tells him during episodes. I simply do not know what to do, and there seems no help any groups can offer. It seems that the mental health teams are more in need of education about symptom identification, and they are unwilling to refer on for specialist advice re mediactions that would work. There seems nothing I can do except look after myself until he comes out of the episode and then there might be an opportunity to talk again about seeking better treatment. I have written in detail listing every symptom he dislays whilst in these episodes and descrbing behaviour but it sens to fal on deaf ears. Unless they see the behaviour for themselves and he convinces them otherwise, I am simply not taken seriously , and his treatment remains unchanged.

JILL