In Bipolar Disorder For Dummies, we talk quite a bit about stressors and triggers—people or situations that can cause enough emotional or psychological duress to push you into a mood episode. We encourage you to identify and then avoid your stressors and triggers as much as possible, but that begs the question of what to do in complicated situations. What if your stressor is a six-figure job or your spouse of 15 years?
Prior to my wife’s first full-blown manic attack in 1999, she was a junior high Spanish teacher. She wasn’t quite pulling down a six-figure income, but after teaching for 20 years, she was earning a pretty good income and, as a public school teacher, was carrying the health insurance for our family.
For about three years after that first bout of mania, she struggled to keep her job. She had racked up quite a few sick days and was able to take those for the many appointments she had with doctors and therapists and to cover any time off she needed when she experienced a moderate to major mood episode. Her school system accommodated her need for time off fairly well, although she constantly felt as though her condition was taboo–an unmentionable topic. She often found herself wishing that she had a more “acceptable” illness, such as diabetes or a heart condition.
After struggling for about three years, she quit her job. Now she regrets it.
The problem was that although she could have continued with the job in some capacity, the fact that she could no longer perform at 100 percent was an additional stressor. She felt as though she was letting her students down. When she needed a day or two (or a week) off, she had to do double-duty, preparing lesson plans for the substitute teacher who usually had absolutely no knowledge of the subject matter. She then returned to stacks of un-graded papers and often to confused students, as well. It was an absolute catch 22–stay at work and get sicker… or take the time off to rejuvenate, see the doctor, re-check or adjust medications as needed… only to return to a more stressful work situation later.
I told her to let it go, speak to the kids in Spanish, do less grading, avoid conflicts with the students, collect your paycheck, and leave work at work, but she was too conscientious to play that game, and I respect her for it. So, she took what she refers to now as early retirement. She now works an hourly job making a small fraction of what she once earned as a teacher.
She feels as though somebody should have stepped in several years ago and offered a better solution. Maybe the school system could have offered her full disability or devised some other creative position to utilize her talents within their system. Maybe I should have stepped in and taken more control. Perhaps her therapists should have counseled her to push harder for full disability. Maybe we should have hired an attorney.
That’s all past, however, and we don’t like to think about it too much. I’m writing this only so that if you or your loved one with bipolar disorder is in a similar situation you consider your options carefully. I know how tough it is, especially if you are in the throws of a major mood episode. A lot of people may tell you “It’s only a job, just quit,” but quitting can add other stressors.
Take as much time off as you need to get well, and then reassess your situation. If you feel like quitting after considering all other options, go ahead and quit, but deliberate carefully with loved ones and perhaps your attorney before making a final decision.
Let us know what you think. Please post a comment or share your story of bipolar disorder on the job with other people who visit this site.
Do the doctors have any idea why she was less able to handle the job after the mania subsided?
No, the doctors were simply trying to control the mania. I think it was a combination of the side effects of the medications my wife was taking (memory loss & anxiety); the fact that she seemed to be more vulnerable to the stressors at work; and the fact that her life had suddenly become even more difficult to manage with the increased number of doctor’s appointments, having to take time off, and having to return to a classroom situation that was more chaotic due to her absence.
I’ll see if I can convince my wife to weigh in on the discussion, so you’re not getting all this second hand. Please check back on Tuesday or Wednesday.
Hi. I’m Joe’s wife–the one who quit my beloved profession of teaching, due to the “complications of my bipolar lifestyle.” I think Joe answered very accurately in his response. I will add, for what it’s worth my 2 cents.
I had obviously lived and thrived, actually with bipolar disorder, my entire life. I was never overly depressed, and the mood swings were mainly up, but never so far that I couldn’t function. And then when I was 42, during one of the upward cycles… it appeared that there was no coming down. This is when I experienced what Joe refers to as “a full-blown manic attack.” I think of it as the eventual wear and tear on my nervous system from the repeated cycling.
I actually refer to this particular event as my “nervous breakdown,” because for me it was as if my nervous system couldn’t take it anymore, and finally blew a fuse. That describes best how the event felt to me. Anyway, it was during this “attack” that the world in which I was living became a very scary place, and I very nearly lost my footing in reality completely. I was in a psychiatric hospital long enough to be diagnosed and dosed, and then was allowed to do outpatient treatment for several months, to stabilize.
But I’d really say that this episode was the beginning of the end of my ability to participate in a fully functional capacity in such a high-stress profession as teaching junior high school. The doctors do not want to discourage any and all attempts at normalcy, thus I don’t think they would actually say I was unable to perform my teaching duties, while properly medicated and monitored. Though as Joe explained, the meds themselves very often can be the obstacle to clear thinking, and when you’re dealing with young minds and young lives, as I was… I had added worries as to what problems my difficulties were adding to the students’. It simply became more than I could bear, or think that anyone should have to bear.
Leaving teaching was a very difficult decision, and it has been a tremendous hardship financially, and morale-wise for my family. However, when it was mentioned that I regret it, that is the truth… but no more so than the fact that I regret having bipolar illness… which in effect would be to say I regret having been born, which is not the case.
We don’t get to choose the cards we’re dealt, but I guess we can play them the best we know how, and hopefully learn and grow from our experiences (and those of others).
I hope this helps.
Wow. I can’t seem to find the adjective.
Except for your name, sex and line of work, your story almost perfectly mirrors mine. As a matter of fact, I was looking for some kind of resource when I came across this site.
I’m a 46 year-old man who very recently has left my career of fourteen years. I worked as a Superintendent for a large commercial glass company, where I’ve handled all field aspects of large, multi-story buildings with contracts for as much as $2,000,000. (Being a teacher, you must have hated that run-on sentence).
I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2000, but I’d known that I was different my whole life. From adolescence until my mid-thirties, I was a musician who was able to create my own schedules, sleep late, and self-medicate, so the disorder was never a problem. You were supposed to be crazy. In fact, during the early manic stage of a cycle, I could churn out lyrics like a machine.
In 1995, I became a single parent, which meant that I needed a steady job. A friend turned me on to a laborer job at a glass company, and the rest, as they say, is history.
After bouts with depression, and mania at a time when adult ADD was popular, I thought I’d go and see if I met the criteria, and after a couple of years of stimulants, experiments, and worsening symptoms, it was determined that I had bipolar disorder. Once I was treated properly, things got much better; became manageable. For a while.
There seems to be a growing consensus that with many people, bipolar tends to worsen with age. And because it’s incremental in its progression, it can sneak up on you.
I was already having difficulty at work while I struggled with the mood surges when, first my mom, and then my dad became ill. They lived three hours away, which meant missing more work as I visited to take them to doctor appointments or the grocery. Neither could drive now, and there literally is no one else but me. At one point, I had to go to an inpatient center for a week, while hiding it from work and mom and dad.
Over the course of a year, everything pretty much fell apart. My marriage failed, my dad died, and I kind of shut down. It seemed the more I’d try to make myself snap out of it, the worse I got. Because of late or missed days, I lost my status at work. You can’t run a crew if you’re not there. And I knew that although they had been very understanding, they couldn’t continue to pay me what I made for no more work than a journeyman could do.
So, they offered me a tiny project to complete. Just two guys and myself. And, on a med-fogged, frantic, Monday, I left the house late, got stuck in traffic, had a melt-down, and called my boss to say, “I can’t do this anymore”. Boy, did he take me up on it. To their credit, they actually offered to let me come back in some diminished capacity, (financially and responsibility-wise), just as long as I agreed to a psychiatric evaluation, but my status amongst my coworkers was destroyed to such a point that I could never go back. The construction industry isn’t very touchy-feely- I’d have been shark food.
So now what? The house note still comes. My daughter still starts college in the fall. Mom’s still sick. And I just don’t think I can go back to that industry. It’s almost constantly stress-filled.
So, like I said, I was looking for resources. Help?
Jeff,
Well, I know we’re not the only ones out there who this scenario describes and I’m sure there’s not just one right way to look at it or deal with it. But I do have a couple of ideas that might help with your situation.
Have you ever looked into NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness at http://www.nami.org) or DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance at http://www.dbsalliance.org)? NAMI has a special page for Legal Support. Unless things have changed, they can give general advice over the phone, and/or give you the names of lawyers in your area who specialize in your particular type of situation. Sometimes you can qualify for disability, even if it’s for a short period of time, every little bit helps to pay the bills. I’ve been through the process and actually received payment for myself and my kids for the one year that I was completely out of commission. It took a long time, and a lot of paperwork, phone calls, and meetings, but it was definitely worth it.
I’m fortunate because I have a husband helping to pay the bills and give me moral support. As a single parent trying to care for your parent and daughter, your situation is obviously much more challenging.
It’s really important that mental illnesses are recognized as legitimate disabilities and I think that according to the law, they are… but going through the legal disability process is slow and somewhat demeaning. But please remember that you didn’t ask for this condition, and that you have worked hard and had a lot of extra stressors added to your load. Don’t feel bad asking for help. Usually to these lawyers charge a very minimal fee for the consultation and then they take the rest out of the disability settlement when it’s reached.
The other advice I’d have is to try and find a job that is less stressful, but that provides benefits. These aren’t impossible to find. And again, it’s a blow to the ego, but financially you may never be in the position that you were. We found that with the lowered income in our household that our college-age son was eligible for more financial aid to help pay for his tuition, which kind of eased the burden. If your daughter wants to go to college and has decent grades, there should be nothing preventing that. I’m sure that the high school guidance counselor could give you and your daughter ideas on available scholarships and financial aid. Also, there are college loans available, but I’d try to keep those to a minimum. Your daughter may also want to talk with someone herself to help her come to terms with the fact that her reality has changed, too.
I feel like I’m giving you a pep talk, but frankly, the truth of the matter is that it’s not easy. Still remember, bipolar is part of who you are… and I like to think that it’s part of what makes me unique. I haven’t found a way to make the big bucks, but I try to make the best of the day I have. I hope some of this helps. I’ve learned a lot along the way, but as I’ve said it’s slow going and not particularly lucrative (financially speaking).
I wish you all the best.
The Social Security Adminstration website is also a good place to go for information. Visit http://www.SSA.gov.
This is certainly a difficult situation and your frustration is understandable – it is easy to feel overwhelmed when there are so many things going on. You may want to consider the following ideas:
1. Even though it is reported that Bipolar is progressive and gets worse – this isn’t universally the case. And if it does change form – showing more frequent or severe episodes – adjusting medications can still make a big difference. We sometimes have the idea that adult brains have stopped developing and changing – but that is not true. The brain changes throughout life – with or without Bipolar Disorder. But this of course means that medication needs and symptoms can all change over time as well. Be sure to talk to your doctor about your options and possible med adjustments. If the doc isn’t willing to consider changes, consider getting another opinion.
2. If you have a therapist on your treatment team he or she will be an important resource for you right now. Digging through the problems that are going on related to work and generating some solutions to those problems – running the gamut from things you can change to changing work situations and if so to what kind of alternative work – is an important part of the ongoing management of bipolar disorder.
3. If you don’t have a therapist, you might look into vocational supports in your state. Most states have some form of vocational training and rehabilitation services. You may need to be receiving services from your state Department of Mental Health or through Social Security Disability to qualify. If you haven’t looked into those resources yet, you might consider doing so. Disability income, health care, and other supports should be available to people with mental illness in all states, but it is managed differently in different places.
4. If you prefer private resources, you could consider working with a private vocational counselor. There may be people accessible through a local or community college.
5. The National Alliance on Mental Illness is an advocacy organization and they may have a local chapter in your area; you can search for local chapters at Find Your State and Local NAMI. Connecting with people there may help you to access services in your local area.
Remember to try to tackle this in small pieces – one task at a time – it won’t all get fixed at once – but as long as you are talking to people and reaching out you are still in the game.
Hello all, I am like the rest of you, I am fighting bipolar disorder. I am in the medical information technology field. I have worked for the same company for two and half years. For a majority of this time I have been the guy they send out when all hell has broken loose and they need the system fixed yesterday. I am very good at this and have been successful on every trip.
I guess this is part of my illness, taking on seemingly impossible situations and being able to resolve them in a week or less. I also have to travel during these engagements and my sleep gets disrupted frequently. Over the last several years I have been dealing with a very painful back injury. I have had to go on long term narcotics to function with the pain. I know some people can get addicted to these drugs, especially if you are prone to addiction already. If you suffer from depression and you are in a lot of pain your depression will get worse if you don’t manage the pain,
The way I am living is very painful. Sometimes when I wake up I think I need to give up and go on disability. I have always paid for Long Term Disability. Once I get to feeling better I believe that I can take this for a little while longer, maybe another week, month or a year. So I keep treading forward in this miserable condition.
I have no joy in my life. I don’t have time for a relationship because I am traveling all of the time. I am afraid that sharing my life with someone else might cause them to feel as much pain as I am in most of the time. I have a great family but I don’t want to burden them with my illness. My mother tried to help but I could see it taking a toll on her too. I really feel terrible most of the time but when anyone asks me how I am feeling and I lie and telling them I am feeling great.
I really don’t know how much longer I can go on like this. I don’t want anyone’s pity but if anyone has information that might be helpful I would appreciate it. Thanks for listening.
Joe