Many friends and family members of people with bipolar disorder become frustrated with the fact that they can rarely, if ever, “make” their loved one obtain treatment. This is more of a challenge when the person is manic rather than depressed. In a manic episode, your loved one is more likely to think that you’re the problem. They are neurologically incapable of having the “insight” to realize that anything they’re saying or doing is out of the ordinary. In fact, they might feel better than ever – on the top of the world!
Fortunately, current laws lean toward protecting the rights of everyone to make decisions for themselves. This is fortunate, because nobody wants to create a police state in which one person can have another institutionalized just by accusing the person of being irrational. (People with bipolar disorder are just as intelligent, oftentimes more so, than others and have every right to get into heated discussions when they disagree with someone, without having the threat of a forced commitment hanging over them.)
It’s unfortunate, however, when, as in the case of bipolar mania, the person’s brain is incapable of realizing that something’s wrong, and destructive (and self-destructive) behaviors are allowed to continue unchecked – emptying bank accounts, destroying relationships, and placing the health and well being of the individual and others at risk.
Hospitalizing a person against their wishes is a very sensitive issue, and I don’t want to come across as though I am “taking sides” here. Nobody really knows what it’s like from either person’s perspective until you’ve been there. It’s difficult for everyone involved. In many cases, however, patients who have been hospitalized against their wishes look back and are thankful for the care they received. Very often, a brief stay in the hospital helps reboot the brain, stabilize moods, and give everyone some pause to catch their breath.
By law, the official line is that only medical or mental health professionals can evaluate a person and mandate that the person stay in a hospital or mental health facility… and only on the condition that they “deem the person to be a danger to themselves or others.” The word “danger” is generally interpreted in terms of physical danger. If the professional thinks that the individual in question is likely to harm himself or herself physically, is suicidal, is physically threatening, or is out of control to the point of causing a serious accident (driving too fast, playing with fire, etc.), they’re obliged to have the person admitted to a hospital or mental healthcare facility, with or without the permission of the person or their friends or family members.
Until a medical or mental health professional deems the person “a danger,” the person remains free to be verbally abusive, to overspend or gamble away the family savings, to be sexually promiscuous, and so forth. They can even be psychotic as long as the psychosis does not create dangerous behavior. Of course, family and friends are likely to interpret such behaviors as the person posing “a danger to themselves and others,” but by law, professionals and the courts must analyze it differently.
So, the question is, what can you do as a friend or relative when your loved one is in the throes of a manic episode and really does need to be hospitalized? Here are some suggestions:
- Call your loved one’s doctor or therapist and report what’s going on. Due to privacy issues, the doctor or therapist can’t give you any information, but there’s no law preventing them from listening to what you have to say.
- If your loved one is obviously talking and behaving irrationally, offer to drive them to their doctor’s office or hospital for something to calm them down. The doctor’s evaluation could lead to a mandatory hospitalization. But be careful – driving with an irrational person in the car can be a risky endeavor.
- Call the police or dial 911 and ask for help. (We provide some specifics on what to say later in this post.)
- Contact your local mental health “crisis team” if one exists. These are mobile teams that will come to you to assess your loved one for safety and the need for care. Be sure that you have the phone number for the team posted several places in your home. You may want to contact the team when there isn’t an emergency to give all the basic information so that in a crisis all of the basic paperwork has already been done. If your loved one is willing to meet with the team before an emergency situation occurs, all the better.
If you cannot access a specialized mental health crisis team, then the police will be the first responders, but they will be unlikely to show up if you simply report that you think you’re loved one is experiencing a manic episode and you’re worried about them. Be specific:
- Report a “violent EDP” or “suicidal EDP.” EDP stands for emotionally disturbed person.
- Describe exactly what your loved one did or said to make you think the person is a danger to himself or others. Did he or she threaten suicide? Did your loved one threaten you or someone else? Is the person driving erratically?
- When the police show up, make a solid case for why you believe your loved one is a potential danger to himself or others. If others have witnessed the incidents, have them back you up. Point out any damage your loved one may have caused. The police don’t want to take your loved one to the ER for an evaluation, so you have to give them good reason.
- Be clear that your loved one has been diagnosed with a mental illness. You want the police to be aware that this is not just someone behaving badly or someone who is intoxicated. Use the term “mental illness” in everything you tell them.
Be careful – police departments vary dramatically in their mental health savvy and level of training for working with those in a mental health crisis. You want to avoid a dangerous confrontation between your loved one and the officers as this could cause another set of problems.
If the mental health emergency team or police take your loved one to a hospital, be sure to follow up with the healthcare team to make sure your friend or relative has everything they need – perhaps most importantly, their medications. Bringing clothes, pajamas, and other “comforts of home” can also help make your loved one’s stay more comfortable, but call the facility beforehand to find out what’s allowed and what’s not.
We experienced this situation a number of times when our bipolar daughter was in a manic, psychotic stage and when she was suicidal. A few times it was obvious to anyone who observed her for a few minutes that she needed in-patient treatment, but she was not deemed violent enough either to herself or to others to be admitted. Usually what happened was that her condition deteriorated until she did meet the criteria. It makes no sense to make people become more violent in order to treat them for their mental illness.
She was released too quickly from her last hospitalization, and three days later, she died by suicide. A tragic ending that was preventable.
When contacting the police, I suggest that you ask for a Crisis Intervention Team (CIT) officer. These are officers who are specially trained to handle situations related to mental health and possible criminal behavior. If your local police authority does not have the CIT program, urge them to begin one quickly. CIT trained officers are able to diffuse potentially volatile scenes, and studies show that they save lives.
Tom Smith
Author of “A Balanced Life” and Co-Founder of the Karla Smith Foundation
http://karlasmithfoundation.org/
For more about A Balanced Life: 9 Strategies for Coping with the Mental Health Problems of a Loved One and its author and to read an excerpt from the book, check out Tom’s page in the Bipolar Stories & Insights section: Tom Smith on “Mental Illness and Unconditional Love.”
How dare you for a micro-second suggest that “your loved one may be “grateful” for institutionalization…IF the shoe were on the other foot, & it had happened to you personally, I seriously doubt that you’d be singing the same tune! I have been involuntarily hospitalized three times in NYC-although I was a danger neither to myself or to anybody else. You are systematically HANDCUFFED (although I have never committed a crime in my life….much less lifted a hand to anybody)- & the places I have been committed to are the equivalent of incarceration. Did your “system” benefit me in any way? NO!!!! I emerged from each “stay”as a broken, embittered person who to date cannot understand how anyone could INJURE me in such a fashion….by virtue of the fact that I had acquired a mental illness. Once upon a time I had been a complete extrovert, with a long list of friends…but these incarcerations have left me as a broken, lonely person-suspicious of society. I cannot believe how these nasty events have altered and limited my trusting personality. To any bipolar person reading this out there- watch your back! These institutions will irrevocably HARM you (as they have done to me)….it is NOT treatment, but rather incarceration for being ill. They are an evil nunch….as you will discover upon setting foot in such places. There is my 10 cents…been there, done that-on one too many occasions.
Kathleen, I am sorry for your experiences but that is not the case for everyone. I have two adult children who are bipolar. My son’s symptoms began when he was 16 years old and he is now 45 years old. He was hospitalized several times and, each time, he came out a more even, stable person. Let me add, that his manic episodes have made our lives a living hell. I love him but it has been a nightmare. Now, my adult daughter is living with us. She is in a manic state and last night the cops were called because she was threatening to kill ourselves. Like our son, she ranted and raved at us for hours. The cops came and she settled down, We thought things were ok and we could go to bed, as it was 2:00 AM. When they left it started up again. Nobody got sleep until 3:30 AM. Today she woke up at noon and it started again. This time she banged her head on the wall so hard she fell back on the floor. This was after screaming at us and berating us. She would not stop. So, the police were called again, this time with the paramedics. She was refusing to go to the hospital but ended up in handcuffs and being taken by the police. I have to say that when this happened last year she ended up being glad because she established a good repoire with a psychiatrist and was put on medication. Unfortunately, months later her primary care doctor increased it and she stopped it because it made her feel funny, Then one daily no longer worked. So, I am hoping she will get on the right meds again. I love my daughter and I know she cannot help it but I feel like I am living in the Hotel California. At our age, I don’t know how my husband and I can go through these episodes with her. This is just a view from the other side.
I am actually having this problem with my mother right now….she is an addict with bi polar disorder who has become increasingly violent. She jas been hospitalized twice for suicide attempts but everytime they let her go after about 4 to 6 days and shes right back at it. Someone needs to do something and if it has to be me, i will try to have her put somewhere to receive help. I am not sure as to how to do it though. Unfortunately i believe this to be the best course of action but how do i do it?
I’m going through this too. I’m married for 41 yrs. to a very crafty, cunning and intelligent bi-polar person who knows how to play the hospital system and everyone else. The laws are not helping us caregivers i.e. spouses, kids, family members, friends. We help for nothing it seems. Nothing…according to all these new ridiculous laws which are nothing but a way to get that bi-polar person off their back!!Now we caregivers are viewed as a problem… as though we are the one with the mental illness!!!… by the mentally ill and the Gov. and Hosp.institutions Where in heaven’s name is the help for us regarding admitting our loved ones when they refuse to take all their meds. I guess no one should marry the mentally ill, have children with them etc etc. They treat us like we are crazy!! All because we need them on all their meds. Not part of their meds. or none of their meds. We need them on ALL of their meds. Permanently. Every time they go off them they should be brought to hospital to be put back on them. Everytime! They would do this for any other person with an ill body. Why won’t they do it for a person who has an ill brain!! Hello wake up Gov. Institutions please!! Wake up ill person you need your meds.!!!
@Josh I am having a very similar situation with my mother, could we talk?
@Josh Please message me back & i will give you my contact info please
Ellie. As a family we have been going through the hell that millions of families are going through and Kathleen apparently you are in a state that you still resist help when you are out of control and when you are better you blame your family for getting you treatment. I am a nurse I have worked with and have several family members s son and may have grandchildren who are beginning to show signs of bipolar. It is a horrible illness. The most horrible part is our society won’t take a step and treat mental illness as it should be treated. There should be a plan made with our medical society to have a plan set up to take care of the patient before they get out of control. I can tell when my son is getting on the edge the doctor should be responsible enough to help the family get a dose of medicine strong enough to calm them into a controlled state. If that does not work then there should be a mental facility that will take them in to get them under control. If the patient cannot be kept stable then there should be group homes with trained employees to provide a safe place for them. They are sick they need care. Bipolar estate left to roam the streets they can become harmful to themselves and others when no treatment is given. It’s time for our society to stand up and give the care. Yes a person should have rights who has a mental illness but when the brain is not working someone needs to have a plan ready to help the person receive the help they need and not expect family members to provide treatment that they cannot provide. As nurses we can make sensible plans for mentally ill people that will not be abusive. I am sure these people receive abuse from family members who refuse to accept that their loved one has s mental illness. A workable plan will be cost effective to our government wake up America wake up families. Wake up medical society. We have let this go to far. Let’s get this problem solved for the sake of our society and families.
I agree with everything you said. Our society has ignored the mental health problem for too long. My son, who is 57, has been in a manic episode for nearly a year. He has lost everything. He is currently homeless and living on the streets in Las Vegas. It is an impossible situation, but I am going there in a couple of weeks to try, one more time, to somehow help him. We must change these laws, years ago, each hospital had good psychiatric wards where mental patients could receive treatment, even against their will. My son was diagnosed at 17, so I know how it was then. People got well!!
It’s tragic, and I think it is time we figured it out.
Lydia, you couldn’t be more spot on! My 76 year old father has recently (September 2016) been diagnosed with psychosis and bipolar disorder and we as the family feel completely out of options. My father, thinks his medicine has stabilized him, which I know can take sometimes 2 years to figure out and its been 2 months. He’s delusional and has been in a manic episode, for what feels like 8 months. He currently is in a rehab center for physical rehabilitation and before that in a behavioral center, where he got diagnosed. He claims that when he gets home, he wants to sell the house, to move to Seattle (we live in FL), and live in a trailer. Before this, he was saying he was going to move to the Philippines and have his brand new motorcycle (a purchase during his manic episode) shipped there. Before this, he told me he was going to get a divorce from my mother and marry his Jamaican sweet heart (someone that does not exist). My mother is so scared of him coming home, because she knows that he will try to do these things. However the only option as a family we have to control this is call the sheriff. My father has to agree to all things medical, and I obviously understand his right, but how much pain, hardship and emotional damage (which can basically be physical lack of sleep and stress) do we have to endure? I feel like the medical society is SO broken when it comes to mental health. Every time we ask a doctor/medical professional about “What should we do when XYZ?” They just empathize, but do not have an answer. THERE IS NO ANSWER, there is no proper plan provided to us. My mother is literally driving herself crazy, worrying about having to handle him upon his return home.
He has to agree to longterm care (he won’t)
He has to agree to home health care
(he won’t)
This is the most painful thing to see, I’ve tried all the techniques of calmly talking to him, explaining that this is just his illness, and it’s like talking to a wall.
Help. Please someone give us a plan. Someone tell us this is what you need to do. We are scared that something extreme will need to happen before anymore medical attention can be given to this. Mind you, the way we got the diagnosis, was after he was in a car accident…
And Lydia, my mom has had the bipolar symptoms fir a long time. I recognized it but my youngest sister did not. I work in the medical field but obviously I was “over reacting”. So I stepped out and let her handle it. To the point that I would only see them twice a year. So things finally came to a rollicking big head and after multiple trips to the ED, the doctors, calling paramedics and accusing someone in messing with her meds it blew up. I met my sister and mom at a doctors office. Her regular doc wasn’t in. And after listening to mom her turned to me and asked me what I thought-I told him she was manic. He said I agree. The kicker is that when mom heard us agree on that she started yelling that she was not going to take lithium again. That was the first time I’d ever heard that she’d been on it before. He wanted to admit her because she would not take some of her meds. Pick and choose what she wants. I called her psychiatrist and he didn’t know any of this. I filled his ears full. Told him something need to happen. His response-can’t she live with you? No!!!!! We all have full time jobs. I have a part time job in addition. She’s been telling them the wrong thing for freaking years making all of us hate the holidays because she shows her butt big time then. Having her high and lows and being fake sweet and bitchy mean. The psychiatrist and the family practice finally listened to us along with the documentation. Of all of the paramedic calls and trips to the ED for cinstipation. We told them
We were at wits end and was going to bring her and let them figure it out. She was screaming at me and I was trying to take her to a doctors appt. finally told her she could walk. And after we got to the doc she couldn’t remember hat we were there. We can’t have crazy abusive mean family members and live a life.
Lovely,
i feel like you wrote my story…
My father is 65, he is in the hospital. I m his legal guardian now. He is pressuring me to take him out, and has two aunts who are saying awfull things about me and my family,like, we are to blame for everything he did…he spent all the savings, had affair with a drug addict prostitute, expelled my mother from their flat, endless phone rants,coming to my sons class in school, etc..my mother is scared to death. My sister, my brother in low,my husband , our children, me, can’ t imagine him let out of the hospital…it’s all so hard…
Very, Very well said!!!
Hello. I am asking how would I get help for a 38 year old who refuses to take meds? Convinces doctors he is fine. We are not. Hours of ranting. Threatening to sue us. Calling us every name you can think of. Going to have us thrown out of our home. He is very manipulative. The disgusting things he says. My husband has cancer and he tells him he wants him to die in jail of cancer. God forgive me I hate him and he is my son. It sickens me to say he is my child. My other kids won’t come over they hate him. Our life is he’ll. How do we get help do our lives can be normal again?
I suggest you call the Chancery Clerks office & ask them about seeing the county’s lawyer. I have done this numerous times. When your loved one is in danger to themselves & others, you can file a WRIT. From there the law will pick them up & hold in jail until you get a court hearing. Two doctors will see them & both will determine if they are unstable. From there they will be court-ordered to a State Hospital involuntary & will not be able to leave until they have recvd the help they need. This plan of action have saved my grown sons life. Yes, you cannot get your loved one to understand they need help when in a manic state … no way possible. It is tough love but so worth it in the end. I suggest you attend some NAMI meetings if you have them in your area. Very beneficial to all dealing with your mentally ill loved one. God bless as you encourage & support your loved ones. Like alcoholism or drugs … this illness effects the entire family.
Lydia,
I am just reading your comments over a year later and I echo your sentiments. Mental illness, and especially bipolar disorder is very misunderstood by the general public. Most people don’t realize the seriousness of this mental disorder. They think it is a person who has severe mood swings that go from very depressed to extremely happy and energetic. What they don’t know is the destruction that it leaves in it’s wake to the sufferer, the family, and to our society. My son has been struggling for over 7 years and we are no closer to a solution than when he was first diagnosed. In fact we are further because with each involuntary hospitalization he becomes embittered, less trusting of everyone, and more broken than when we started and had hope for his recovery. I refuse to give up but it has taken its toll on me, our family, and any plans that I had for my retirement. It is difficult to find anyone to listen when things get out of hand. I have had to plead with police that I don’t want our family or my son to become a statistic because at times my son has threatened to harm members of our family. It is so hard on me because this is a loving young man whose life has been destroyed by this illness. The way to combat this ignorance and to get better services and more attention to the problem is to write your legislators, congressman, senators; whoever you can reach. Talk to your friends, share your stories, let them know they can’t be ignorant that it is impacting everyone. If enough people pull together change can happen.
I could not agree more this is entirely correct and ACTION needs to be taken now!! Caregivers are not always able to get the ill person in for help. The mentally ill one won’t let them!!!! It’s called Denial!!
Lydia ,
very very, well said I have a Son with bipolar 1 a few of my family members walk for mental illness in Boston Ma. I have done it going on 3 years and now my Son attends the walks with us ! YOU ARE SO CORRECT!! they need a Hospitals need a PLAN in motion, when someone appears not normal the ER doctors need to take ACTION TO PREVENT AN AWAFUL ACCURANCE TO HAPPEN !! I KNOW MY Son has the medication and is doing well ! I know Representative from Massachusetts Joe Kennedy is 100% on board regarding family’s who are in need of HELP with there loved ones ! Lets all hope and pray that he convinces the government for permanent changes in our country regarding Mental illness .
You are absolutely correct. I have tried to.get help for my husband whom I am.now divorcing because of his manic behavior that he will not get help for. I have tried to get help for him everywhere. No matter what he does he has to ask for the help unless commitment. He was committed. Came home worse than when he went.has escalated terribly. Alienated everyone. I could have had him comitted the morning I left, but I was so scared of him. After he beat me, he said he would kill me if I had him comitted. So I didn’t call the police. Since I have left 4 months ago he has totaledb2 cars, 4 speeding tickets, took in 8 homeless people, went through thousands of dollars not paid a bill since I left. Has had utilities cut off, now gone without a bath a month. Still I can’t get him comitted or him to get help for himself. He’s gonna end up dead or in jail. It’s not right all the family has to go through to get help for an unwilling mentally ill person.
I have a bipolar sister. She has been texting a man she met on facebook. They have only spoken for a month, and she thinks she’s in love with him. He proposed marriage. We have been trying to talk sense into her, but she will have none of it. She has made horrible mistakes in the past, but this may be the worst one yet. He lives in the middle east. Not the best place for a woman. We don’t know what to do.
You posted this 4 years ago and We are in 2020 still going through the same issues with the mental health system! Why has nothing been done!? My sister has been released countless of times for the hospital for them to just say her vitals are fine. But she clearly is not fine mentally. She’s paranoid and we are heartbroken that no one professionally will help her. I hope nothing bad happens to her 😭😭
My wife has bi-polar 2 and in a regular hospital floor for blood clots. She has a catheter to go to bathroom,has trouble swallowing sometimes and has trouble talking. What I want to know is if they are put in a nursing home,do they ever come back home?
Omg you said how I feel!! Had I known this was hereditary I never would have kids. Bipolar is so bad on my moms side of the family. All the men have it & my mom & sister took their lives . My brother was bipolar & took his life when he was 50 . Now I’m going through it with my 35 year old son! I can’t believe the care is as bad as it was 50 years ago!!!! I feel like I’m having ptsd . My son is destroying his marriage & now my 7 year old granddaughter is having nightmares . I don’t know how much more I can take . I moved in to help. I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack!!😢
Bonnie Karpiak My spouse’s mania has me so scared he’s going to snap on me.When manic he thinks i;m “the enemy” and thinks i’m scheming,conspiring against him.He looks at me with hate in his eyes and says “i know who you really are” and to night he was standing up paying out loud “i cast the demon out of her in the name of Jesus Christ”.He was in my personal space and staring me down.This is going on almost 2 weeks and every morning i pray its passed.He has meds and stopped them suddenly recently.When i asked him when was the last time he took meds he backed up away from me saying”i’m not going to let you do this to me”.Its the worst i’ve ever seen him.I have my own issues w PTSD and anxiety.Ive barely slept bcz im afraid he’ll hurt me.Our relationship hasn’t been healthy for years.I’m done w this treatment and during this manic phase he said we need to break up and he’s moving out asap.I’m afraid to make the change but the stress is going to kill both of us w medical problems.
Yes, having a love one that deals with mental illness is very painful. The love one requires counseling n medication to deal with various disorder, but the backlash of mental illness is that it takes its toll on the patient and the family. A love one would love to have to be able to have their love one at home and receiving counseling but its their errupting behavior of mental illness that often sends a love one spiraling out of control.Yes, assistance of police is needed to help families but today this can be a serious problem for the patient if their not complying and this is stressful to the family members what is a love one to do but pray for a miracle……
I have been with my husband for 5 years , He has a dr from the va , He nor his kids will help , I have been called every name in the book , he has sued me , broken into my home , which he has never moved in , he comes and goes as he pleases , every one and everything is more important, he gives me gifts then sued me for them , he is also a binge drinker and when he’s drunk he does very cruel things brings dates to my job and breaks into my home to collect his things like my shirt or my wedding rings anything he’s bought wants it at 3 am , his kids are 22 18 19 they know of his mood swings but I am the brunt of it , when he’s good he’s the sweetest man ever , but the cruelty has effected my young kids , all my older children hate him , I have tried but he goes in and gets out , of course it’s all me , he does not work he is collecting 100 percent disability from the airforce , I work and support myself , because of the recent attacks I have a protection order , he text me asking for material things that he thinks of , he has new friends which take him out drinking and after the bar closes I am the enemy, I love him but I feel hopeless , I asked his friends to please not take him drinking in return he was very angry told them I was crazy and said he was sueing me for violating his hippa rights , I have blocked him from everything , after he the other day asked me to come to his dr appt and when he walked in he said I’m gonna have to ask you to leave , I was confused he sat down across the room I went over and he said get out , he started to yell what a waste of money I am and what a price of shit wife I was , he said he wanted my rings , he said he’s not paying for something he can’t have ?? I just sat and let him degrade me as the tears ran down my face , the shrink came out I said he won’t let me back dr , he said ok , I can’t bring myself to see or talk to him since his kids said they are busy no time to help so I guess I must walk away and hope for the best , he said he’s sueing me and filing for divorce, I feel like I failed. I’m so sad that I can’t help him or get anyone to help him 🙁
I mean she knows her name and she knows she’s in the hospital and she recognizes our faces and knows our names. She’s just having problems talking like talking really really low you can’t understand what she’s saying
I know exactly how you feel with doing all you can for manic bipoler adult kids. My 36 yrs old was with me n my husband (stp)we did all we could till one day girlfriend took him off his meds and they both left to sleep on camp ground so that she can control him (use). She left him out there dumped him. .and because I called her asking how could she ect,je filed a restrained against me. He dropped it. …he came back to me for few days….I ended giving him over $250 for transportation ect….when I told him to Pls when he’s settled to go to therapy and get something of meds. …he cursed me out and now states he’d throw another throw at me if I bother him….mind you he does the woddling…and the crying threw text. Now I told him if he ever calls me again by phone or text or I find out he’s out there crying the blues. …I’ll be quick to call cops and hospital they one way or anther I’ll set him back to hospital. He hasn’t called me. ..but he sent me and his aunt a text that he now disown his blood relatives in his time of need we’re not there. He cursed me out. But he refuses to except that he’s sick. He was on meds for 15 yrs doing great graduated collage and now of meds he’s lost it. ..he would walk the streets for two days cause he is scared to just sleep out there. ..but people are scared to trust him. Everyone he stays at someone’s house he gets kicked out or he leaves for a reason. This isn’t my son. I don’t know who he is. …but I’m not able to deal with him like this so I keep door shut. When he was sleeping on my sofa fir 5 days I hid all sharpies cause you just never know. As much as I love him with my life….I love myself too….and I have another son who lives at home he has ADHD….and he gets scared with his manic bipoler at our home without meds. So as long as he is how he is. …I can’t have him near me. I told him to apply for state housing. ….telling him anything I just get cursed at. It’s not easy and it hurts but he chose this path off his meds.
We too have experience with our daughter. This last time she has accused us of sexual abuse that never happened. This happened after refusing to give her money to keep driving
Been there done that for 16 years with our daughter. Everyone she gets pissed at she accuses of sexual abuse…everyone! She’s homeless most of the time because she refuses to go to a sober house – she’s wants her so-called freedom. She’s been in every mental hospital in our state and has been arrested more times than I can count. When she’s in jail and on her Rx meds (and not self medicating) she’s rational and reasonable. The moment the jail releases her we’re right back where we started from – hell on earth. I wouldn’t wish bipolar on my worst enemy. She will be 33 at the end of this year. It will be a MIRACLE if she makes it to 40. There’s nothing we can do to help her without her assistance, which she will never give.
Hi I have a sister in county jail and is bipolar I don’t know where to get her help I believe they are over dosing her medication. Can anyone help me?
Esmeralda,
Have you tried to call Nami in your area. They may be able to point you to an advocacy group or advise you on how you can handle this situation. NAMI is a national organization who assists with resources on mental illness but has local chapters all over the us.
So sorry,my daughter is 34 and I understand the hell.Im looking now for a place to take her!
I too have been involved with my bipolar girlfriend for 8years now.we met at our job 7years ago, but as her condition worsened she got fired. For mostly attendance and offensive remarks made to fellow co workers. Her parents have tried putting her in to a program, but the laws, make it close to impossible, as they require the mentally ill, to want help which is appauling. How can a manic person know they’re manic? I’ve endured physical and emotional abuse, becuz I love her so much, becuz the woman I remember meeting at first was the sweetest I’ve ever met, everyday that passes I long to get her back. She finally agreed to take monthly abilify shots, after much drama, tough love, risky sexual behavior, and drug use. Now I can spend time with her for the duration of the meds each month, b4 she needs another. Now I have noticed that her manic episodes start to happen 2days after her shots. It’s like her system is reacting to the drug, for about a full week b4 she normalizes, for the rest of the month, which heavly depends on efforts by me and her parents, to avoid triggers. When she goes off it’s bad, she spits on me, curses me out, accuses me of stealing, talks to random men on Facebook messenger, and friends them, while accusing me of stalking. Most time she makes these friends for drugs. I’m still hanging in there as I hope and pray one day she’ll agree to get into a program.
Me, too. I was sexually abused by a nurse in a state Hospital- for MONTHS until I finally “escaped”– I mean literally discharged, not that I elooed. I’ve been committed six times, not counting being patient icked up and handled abusively by law enforcement.
I’m thankful people who have cared, care… But the experience is highly traumatic, be it a “nice” hospital or a pit. For me, usually it has been strangers who “cared” Calli g 911 for me, or those who were angry it scared.
Ellie, I know your post was from a few years ago. How are things now? I was looking up info on my best friend. I’ve known her for 13 years and she’s always been stable (her history with bipolar was before I met her) and she’s been in a manic state for 2 months now. It’s absolutely horrible to watch. She is irrational and angry and I don’t even know this person. But I want to help. I was curious about involuntary treatment so I was reading up on it when I saw your post. My heart went out to you.
We are going through this with my adult sister. It’s a nightmare. She is now getting a divorce because she attacks her husband as soon as she sees him and won’t let him in the house. She has physically attacked our mother , her husband , and her adult niece. She was hospitalized but was released after 10 days. Now she met a scammer online that has her convinced that he is the real guy not the scammer and she believes they are going to be married. We have talked to the doctors, the mental health department, and the police several times. She keeps disappearing. She now has a women living with her who she met in the hospital. She calls her her daughter . Everyday is something new and more dangerous. Her anger is so horrible . My heart breaks for her . She has destroyed her career and all relationships she had. She has gone through $32,000 in two months. She is now broke and will lose her house and vehicle . Everyone is afraid of what’s going to happen to her . We are all afraid of her safety and our own.
Kathleen, or anyone who can contribute,
Your rant, as you call it, is very real and a very important first hand perspective. However, could you please give readers an alternative option to help their loved ones?
Thank you,
Thoma
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NAMI is a Great they have them all around the country !! I advise anyone who has a LOVED ONE to contact a NAMI ASAP!! they are a GREAT RESOURCE I KNOW I HAVE ATTENDED ALOT !
I totally agree w u Kathleen! Very well said. Im feeling very betrayed sicker and everything from being handcuffed & forced to even change meds. Didnt want too. Now think have PTSD from the inhumane trearment!
Kathleen Slattery, you were tormented for something that was not your fault. For that I am very sorry. What can I do as a concerned family member when I see someone I care about in the manic stage of Bipolarism? What kind of real, positive help is there out there?
I couldn’t agree more. None of the many “systems” do anything to really support you, only themselves. It can be very detrimental to everyone. HOWEVER, as a former spouse of 33 years of someone with bipolar, I can tell you that while you love them dearly the episodes are intense, negative and over time equally damaging to the caregiver if not worse then institutionalizing them. So if they REFUSE to seek help in managing their illness in order to protect the spouse and children from the damaging negative effects caused by violent, frightening, emotionally abusive episodes then the system is the resource you have to deal with it. They must be held accountable , not for being ill, but for making an effort to seek help and not subject the loved ones to it. If no effort is made one’s only choice is to force it or leave it. Bad either way.
Mary, how can you hold someone who is not in their right mind accountable for anything? It is not that they aren’t making the effort; in their minds it is everyone else who is screwed up, not themselves. You cannot put this on the shoulders of the mentally ill.
So what’s the alternative? That the family becomes the mentally ill person’s emotional punchingbag or worse? That the family has to sacrifice their entire lives and sense of self until the mentally ill person dies?
Because that’s the alternative you are offering.
Here’s the thing: people with mental illnesses like Bipolar are not stupid. If after the nth time you’ve told them to take their meds and they refuse, then the family member(s) have to save themselves.
This can either mean institutionalization or the family just cuts the the adult mentally ill person out of their lives.
Now, is the system perfect? No, that’s why we need better laws and plans and infrastructure for these things. But it’s either that or a burned out family that would look to suicide as freedom from the hell their mentally ill family member OR the family had enough and cut the mentally ill person off.
Those are the realistic choices.
Wow.I deal everyday as a professional in the mental health field i too have a family member needing to get help sometimes families have no other solution.Whether to save their family’s life or themselves.Being hospitalized does not mean permanent is is only to get help for their loved one but to help the family also.
I’m reading all of these posts and still can’t get a clear handle on how to help our family member. His parents have gone from denial to helplessness. Their solution. Just say and do nothing and he’ll calm down. Meanwhile his behavior is darn right scary. He’s smart, handsome and charming. Then he’s not. He says the ugliest things and blames everyone for everything. “Everbody is stupid”. He’s 32. What are we to do? Nothing?
Concerned aunt. What happened in your scenario? I am going through it right now with my 28 year old son -what you wrote sounds like I could have written it. Thanks.
Hi you said you work in the medical field? I need someone to help me figure out what’s going on with my bipolar twin sister she is currently housed in county jail and I believe they are giving her way too much medication she looks like a zombie she talks to her self and says there’s been demons that’s not normal behavior please help me!
I have been hospitalized against my will for almost 3 months due to drug induced psychosis. Looking back, I am grateful that my parents did this for me. Of course, it was horrible at the time and felt like jail. Now I’m worried about my mother who is bipolar and beginning to talk about suicide as a release from this world. I’m torn because I have been there, but she needs help.
I’m bipolar too and I can tell you right now..your statement is completely immature..anytime someone is committed 99% of the time it’s because someone cared enough about you to put you there..look at the bigger picture, it’s not always just about you.
I understand how everyone feels here. When I need my meds adjusted or I first got sick, I would even have psychotic symptoms. They go away after I hose them out with meds under the direction of my doctor. However, despite this, people around me I feel will never understand what it’s like trying to be responsible and feeling like people just won’t get that there can be responsible people, who take their meds, have awareness when they’re getting ill, and such. I wanted to go into social work to help people who have been hosed by the system as it’s not always taking into account patient rights. They can misdiagnose, etc. You have to understand what it’s like for a person who’s sick too. If there was a more collaborative system where people treated people with illness with dignity, then things would be different. I understand you parents and partners who are frustrated, but I can’t believe you feel like pushing them to group homes. This is not the way for anyone to live- those are dangerous places. I hope your loved ones can find a treatment plan. I don’t know what the solution is for people that don’t want to take it other than hose them in facilities and constantly threaten them that things could get worse. I wish I hadn’t and am not traumatized by my system treatment. I have the best psychiatrist now, and I am lucky because not everyone has the best. I’ve had ones that clearly did not know how to treat me, because I was terrified. Hopefully, we can find a way to collaborate so that people who are ill are not terrified into recovery. I know this sounds immature, but my heart will always be with the patient because I’ve been there, and am there.
Bravo! This doesn’t sound immature at all. I know and believe what you say. 60% of bi-polar cases are misdiagnosed in the first place. I feel for the families & caregivers, I placed my family in that position for which I will be forever sorry. I gave my Power of Attorney away ONCE, MY FREEDOM ONCE, NEVER AGAIN, FOR ANYONE!
Well said. My wife was admitted to the hospital for 14 days due to a manic attack. She’s 41 years old and this is the first time ever happening.
Your comment gave me hope. My wife was admitted to the hospital involuntary due to a manic attack. This is first time happening and I have been sad and worried for her and our family.
I guess you doesn’t have someone in your family with this problem. Who are you to say anything to these people. You don’t live their life’s. It very hard having a loved one with these kind if problems until you have been in their shoes then you have something to say or comment
That is just NOT TRUE for every person out there!!! I am bipolar, and when manic/depressive, if I didnt hv family/friends that cared enough to call someone, against my wishes, I would NOT be here today!!! So not everyone emerges broken, not everyone can see they need help, and not everyone comes out worse, I came out better, they helped me, even after being tied down to keep me from harming myself or others!!!! I was grateful and am to this day!!! Perhaps continue with counseling and treatment, because doubtfully its because you were ill you were instiutionalized and more likely because of your behavior wasnt right, I know its not the best way of getting help, but its still help all the same!!! I truly hope you heal and find peace with your past and look for a brighter future, it is possible no matter what…but you hv to LET GO OF THE PAST
I was hospitalized by my loved one when I was having a breakdown. It was the first step toward getting the help I desperately needed and I would never have gotten if someone had not loved me enough to see that I needed help that he was unqualified and too overwhelmed to provide.
Involvement by loved ones is very important it seems to me and concern for the person who is in need of help. It is too easy to get lost, released with out follow up or run into staff who are not up to the task of being of help to your loved one especially in cases where someone is not being checked on.
I’m sorry you felt this way. How would you suggest I get my daughter,whom is schizophrenic and does need at very least some type of medication to calm her when she gets so distressed and is chasing invisible people thru the house and unable to sleep. I don’t think a daily pill is something she will try but it would be nice for the rest of of here to be able to sedate during these all night long episodes. Doesn’t happen but 2 or 3 times a month. I’m at a lost what to do. I’m too old for all nighters. Today my nerves are shot and I’m physically sick and vomiting. It’s like I last night I thought maybe I should just take her out and shoot her and myself and take the journey with her. It’s killing me to watch my child although she’s 35 yrs old suffer so.
I understand your fustration as is that . Of your loved ones . When one stays to them self and don’t involve others then it’s wrong to judge or incarcerate others but when you act out and involve others worrying them , manipulating them , lying , doing , disrupted things like drugs , alcohol , using your funds and others to the point of spending what you don’t have even the funds that should be used to provide for your love ones and on top of that loosing jobs . And faking to still be working while the world around you crumbles bringing everyone down with you including children , family , friends and relationships yeah there’s a big problem and it’s called blaming others and DENIAL. There’s help for those who want it .,and if not ruin your own life not those that have tried so hard to protect you all
I should have been put in a mental hospital because after my manic episode I took a ton of pills and am now facing some terrifying medical issues
I have a 56 year old brother who still lives at home. He moved out once when he was in his 20’s but came back and refuses to leave. He is on SSI only $700 a month. I had to commit him about 10 years ago because of his erratic talking and behavior. He was not happy about it and chased me down the ally. The police came and calmly spoke to him and persuaded him to be hospitalized. After being released he thanked me for doing what I did because he understood his illness and after years of being in and out of hospitals he finally accepted it. He came out a completely different person. He would laugh and hold a conversation. I was in shock. It was the 1st time I seen him truely laugh in a long time! Today though he is not well and back in his bipolar manic episodes. My dad is 76 yrs old. I have stage 4 cancer and worried about his outcome so I am going to privately talk to his doctors about it. Might have to commit him again. Its sad and irritating but I cant leave him homeless at some point.
Thank you for your side of the story. I cried the entire time reading it.
Please everyone help me.
My Son that is usually an angel, i came from the hospital and if it was like someone else took over his body and mind.
He started beating me. I weigh 110 pounds, he weighs 170 pounds, there is no way I can defend myself.
From the living room, to my room he kept punching me, boxing, he knocked me down and started kicking my left leg, my entire bodg, my face is all black and blue. His Father even though we are divorced he told me I should have called the police on him. I already know that, and just to be clear this has happened 3 times. I am fighting Cancer besides many other issues,he has Chrons, Epilepsy, Grand Mal seizures, one that put him on life support.
This entire week he has been acting weird. Maybe all the seizures have damaged his brain, and me as a mother, which I love him more than life itself, I am dying inside.
I just don’t know what to do but I can not live like this anymore. I am 53, he is 33.
Please help me.
It’s not fair for regular people to have to deal with crazies!! I’ve dealt with this bs from my spouse for years…and I’m done. Nothing worse that talking to a bipolar person. No trust and never will be. You all need to be institutionalized!!
Thank you. It helped me understand what my sister who has bipolar might be going thru. I’ve always been on her side and helped her but she’s at a point where she can’t take care of herself anymore. I’m not sure what to do
Try to continue being in the hospital and one day you suddenly have a lot of things that works against you and the police or nobody else will listen to you have issues… You are then placed in jail and then charged with felonies and anything else. You should be thankful that you have not been placed in the jail system yet.
Nobody likes to have to be in anyplace against their own will but let me tell you something it’s that or if not it’s jail so I have been dealing with all the things that my son has been going through so much he is in jail or mental health facility and it’s redundant. Be glad you have not been inside the jail system and so on. It’s always possible to be worse
I experienced the same situation. I had a diagnosis and was seeing a psychiatrist for prolonged grief syndrome after my wife died from metastatic breast cancer…The facility I was in was not for treatment but like a jail. I almost died in there when someone who was truly mentally ill attacked me. Involuntary mental health commitment takes away every right you have as a human being…Not to mention due process of the law and the Constitution of the United States.
I have to disagree. I was involuntarily admitted during a manic episode. My parents took me to the hospital and I was wrestled in by a police officer and a medic. For about a year afterward, I blamed my family. It wasn’t until I did a lot of therapy and was able to really reflect on this experience that I realized how hard this was for them and how much I needed to be somewhere safe at that time.
Unfortunately, now my brother is going through a manic episode and is hospitalized. He went in voluntarily, but honestly, as someone who has been there and as someone who deeply loves this person I would 100 percent have wanted him in there either way, and I do believe, when he gets to the other side of this he will agree.
I agree. Involutary commitment is evil and leaves mentally ill with more trauma. What makes it okay to treat mentally ill people like criminals?
Kathleen, I would love to hear your thoughts on how to help someone who suffers from Bi-polar Disorder. As the parent of someone who suffers from this disease, I have never felt more helpless in my life. I lost a sister to this illness and watched her mental state deteriorate and I’ll be damned if I will let this happen to my daughter. I’m sorry your so angry, try to think of the people that love you that have to stand by helplessly! The Bi-polar patient has more rights than we do as care givers. My daughter is so verbally abusive, it’s extremely hard to not take it personally. Our relationship is bad, but she is my daughter and I do love her and will continue to do what I can to help her before she completely destroys what we have left.
And yet you do not address how much your mental illness has harmed your loved ones and other people unlucky enough to be in your company while your mental state deteriorates. How dare YOU be so self absorbed. Your bipolar mania may not be your fault. But it wasn’t your loved ones fault either.
What do you suggest? You say you weren’t helped by the current system, so what IS the solution?
As I watch the rapid slide of my loved one into her bipolar mania, she loses everything she once held dear and her loved ones continue to be berated and stolen from, I research the net to find a way to help her.
So how do I help her? I’ve tried being supportive, listening for hours to her gibberish and grandiosity. She just eventually decides I’m her enemy and starts an argument.
You’re a vicious ungrateful bipolar. Enough of your emotional rants. Be a human being.
You have no idea how your “needs” affect people around you. EVERYTHING is about YOU ALL THE TIME. I can’t take it and am removing this person from my life forever. They suck the life out of me and go on and on about shit i do not care about. I have my own mental health issues and she is too much. She needs to be in the hospital forever,.
Try having your loved ones video tape your behavior when you are having an episode. What you are experiencing is not real and you lack the sense to see how you are speaking to them. If they are bringing you to get treatment, they have seen something that you can’t see because you have blind spots during mania. You are not broken you are back in reality. Learn to trust your loved ones because i’m sure they love you and only want to see you well.
I suffered the same things against my will. I will never trust anyone again. I will never tell anyone if I feel suicidal again. I’ve been held for 72 hours last time I was honest. I have Bipolar 1 and PTSD. I’m alone with no support whatsoever and trying to live
I am 27 and I got put in one for a whole nine days with only the clothes I had more in there I had to strip naked in front of people I didn’t know when I first got there and I was never explained for why I was there I was calling it a chicken coop did not literally serve me any good it’s just traumatizing remembering that I actually went there and they come back home to the government housing where everybody knows how I act because I’ve been here for 3 years now people judge me everyday and say what they want about me but I know a lot more than them and I’ve seen a few things that place really is crooked down there the staff were smoking my cigarettes that I was not allowed to even have that I brought down there how to smoke some cheap cheap dirty menthols I just don’t even know it’s just too much and now to sit here to this day to have that torture thrown over my head when I don’t do something right for somebody
I made the mistake of not institutionalizing my wife during her violent manic episode. She smashed our Christmas tree while everyone was in another room, we see what she did, my two little children (10 and 5) are crying so I manage to get her outside by opening the front door and tossing her cellphone outside. That’s how I knew she was really manic. It had been five years since her last episode because that was when she was diagnosed. Police called, she calmed down, said she’d go to sleep. Nope. She got up smashed some more stuff, chased my 10y/o out the back door and destroyed my 5y/o’s toy. My 10 y/o had armed herself with a bowling ball pin and the cell phone. She called the police again. Again, I didn’t want to send her to an institution, so she was allowed to call a friend. The next day this friend and her husband, who is an attorney, began the process of divorce. She came back and removed all her belongings within one week and the divorce filing came a few days later. Now three months have passed and she is still not on medication, does not “remember” what happened, and is mad at me for my daughter calling the police. She has lost a lot of friends, but she has devastated our children. These friends have isolated her from me and used the court system to bar communication. We still have not spoken for anything. Her friends monitor her interactions with me.I don’t know what to do but wait and hope she remembers how much I loved her and forgive her.
I’m so sorry! I am the person with bipolar and have similarly had my life destroyed when my spouse or partner couldn’t get me the help I needed.
My husband is bipolar with ADHD. He has been in a manic depressive state for a while. He has episodes of paranoid thoughts and delusions at times. In February of this year He thought I was cheating on him and he looped my cellphone and called everyone that called me accusing people of cheating with me. I tried to calmly discuss the situation but he became very irrational and yelled in my face you whore I tried to push him out of my face and grabbed my arms and left bruises. I do bruise easily. The law was called and I tried to explain that my husband was manic depressive and he needed help but he arrested for domestic violence and I went to the chancery court to get him committed to a mental hospital. He stayed there for one month is seeing a doctor now and taken his meds. He seems like a different person when he is taking his medication. He is calmer, He still has paranoid delusions at times but he is not as aggressive and we can actually have a discussion with out him having to get the last word. Thanks to his lithum and zyprexia but now he has to go to trail for domestic violence and I feel awful because I only wanted to get him help. I knew he would never agree to go to the mental hospital but if the police man would have listen to me he could have just took him straight to the hospital instead of jail. I don’t feel he needed to go to jail but he did need some help.
My question is this. My friend is bi polar. doing well on her meds. everytime he has an argument with her, he calls 911 and they take her to elmhurst hospital, nyc. how can i help her to make him stop this? its just not fair to her. Thank you for any help at all
My daughter is bipolar. She was diagnosed when 15yrs .. Dr told her if she font take meds her life will get worse. It has. Her two kids witnessing talking to herself! I want their mom back for them.
My fears and concerns for my son who is in an extreme manic mode , symptoms were ignored.? I talked with about 10 different authorities at the VA . And local police. He has been in an extreme psychotic nature. Not sleeping , delusions, conversations with his self that were disparaging. After begging for two weeks without help. He got into an altercation with his father who has PTSD ,A purple heart veteran. Patrick is now in jail. A diabetic with mental health needs. He is a large man and be quite intimidating when in this mode. Seems he needs a complete evaluation . He is off his meds ? Except for IM med every other week ,Resperdal . He has been drinking and using cannibus . I was told be his adult sons. I was told by Ms Johnson his social worker . That she and his Dr, Dr Jacobson could not help him ! He is normally a pleasant friendly generous man.
I think my husband was trying to hospitalize me. I’m glad there are rights that protect people from being hospitalized without cause.
The problem is that I’m not sure if I am bipolar or not. My doctor seems to think I am based on my husband’s complaint. I bought a business and its not doing well (I believe its our economy). My husband told my doctor that I have mood swings because I get along well with other, but not him and that I get really mad intermittently. My doctor said he was concerned that I was manic. I then told him the following true story. I told the doctor this: When I met my husband 20 years ago, he was a cheater. I forgave him and we raise his daughter (who is 3 weeks younger than my son) until she was 3. Her mother and I never got along. After her mother sent her to daycare, he was forced to pay child support. Years went by, about 12 years or so, which brought us to 2008. My husband told me in early in the year that he cheated on me with a woman. He met up and cheated with this woman not once, but twice. I’ve been mad ever since. Not with others, just him. I get mad when he brings certain things up and he acts like because it was 3 years ago, it should be old news to me. I don’t think I’m bipolar… I think I handled myself sanely (I’m still with him). He recently retired (and didnt’ tell me) and now is putting his money in a separate banking account, which made me mad again (because of his cheating past). He makes comments that I would be calmer if I took meds. He is the one actually driving me nutty!!! By the way, I’m selling the business so I have choices in life (and because my husband runs around more). I kinda feel like I need to move on. Tell me your thoughts PLEASE….
Your husband has abused you big time. cheating repeatedly, and then not caring about causing you emotional harm by trying to make
you think there’s something wrong with you. This is a very toxic relationship. I sincerely think that since nothing has improved in your marriage, you seriously should think of protecting yourself and yes….moving on, like you said. If you stick with it, it could destroy you. In your heart of hearts, you know this is not good, but you are afraid, so far, to move on. I hope you get the courage and that things work out well for you. God Bless
Monica,
Why does your doctor think you are bipolar? Doctors don’t just take someone else’s word for it. It sounds like your husband has never been there for you. I can’t understand why women think it is less hassle to stay in an emotionally abusive relationship. I realize he has made you feel less confident about yourself. But the best thing you can do before something really bad happens and you get labeled as bipolar- is get out of that relationship. Whatever the cost, it is worth starting over rather than staying in your situation. So many women stay in a relationship where the man is not being good to them and the women do not act upon it. Take baby steps. Everyone needs therapists, and those who think that therapists are for crazy people live life with blinders on. The therapist can set your life in order. Help yourself. If you say your husband is the root to your irrationality- then take the risk and get away from him. I know this because it happened to me. You just have to help yourself and be strong about it and keep trudging forward and then before you know it, you succeed at being happy. Many times women think there are no men out there for them and all the good ones are taken. Those are just negative voices fearful of change. When you decide to take the first step to get out of that relationship, then you start loving who you are
i think your husband s a clear case of intellectually abusive person…run to the woods!
You deserve much more. Move on and forget about that cheater. You need someone who is always there for you 100% trust. Don’t allow him to use you anymore. I feel for you.
Can you say Psychopath? He’s gaslighting and I hope that by now you are out of this abusive relationship
Try ketamine treatments, now available in 2022. I have a 6 week, 6 IV ketamine treatments starting in two weeks.
Hello Monica,
So are you raising his child and yours? You wrote until she was 3? Is she now with her mother? It sounds as if you are very unhappy and if he is making you “NUTTY” as you say he is then why don’t you leave? Unless you do believe something is wrong with you then you should talk to a pychiatrist.
My daughter was hospitalized once by her choice. It did help some. Hospitalization has to be either voluntary or court committed. The may courts decide if someone are proven to be a danger to themselves or other people if there is no guardian in place. You can’t just show up at a treatment center and try to have someone committed.
Yes, you can. In texas they can put you under emergency detention for 48 hours involuntarily if your deemed a risk to yourself or others (usually just suicidal or homocidal) specifically, if suicidal you have to have thoughts and have made an attempt or are thinking about ways to kill yourself (they call this a ‘plan’ but its misleading).
I’m not sure in the laws of homocidal thoughts. I knew someone who has involuntarily committed for sticking his fingers in his brothers eyes while he was choking him (he was dx with paranoid schizophrenia)
Althought you can literally just go to an ER, call the cops, or go to a specific treatment center.
I have a sister with severe bipolar disorder. She lives with my parents and has no responsibility yet still can not seem to stay stabilize. She has been treated/dx with bipolar disorder for over 30 years. She is manic right now and won’t go to a hospital for the intensive treatment she needs at this point. Can anything be done? I live out of state, half way across the country. I fear this will cause my elderly mother’s death because she will not kick my sister out of her home.
Oh my gosh Beth, I have the same situation going on. My sister is in the mental hospital right now. But she can be released anytime. She was driving 90 miles an hour last episode (about a month ago). And she ended up turning herself into the hospital. But they only kept her there for a couple of days. She still wasn’t stable when she returned to my mom’s house. My mom is 85 years old and she is confident that my sister won’t hurt her. However, my sister had another episode a few nights ago where she locked the cat in the car and was being forceful with my mom. And then she reached out and grasped my other sister’s arm really hard- it scared my other sister because she has never done that before. So, when my mom was on the phone with my brother, he heard my mom telling my bipolar sister to stop what she was doing. We found out later she was being forceful when she was trying to grab the phone out of mom’s hand. He heard the scuffle and called the police and they came to take her away. My other sister had to take my mom to the doctor cause my mom said she had fallen- she claims my sister did not push her, but I think she knocked her down in the struggle for the phone. My brother filed a restraining order against my bipolar sister until April 4th. My fear is the hospital will release her and she will not have a place to go because she lives with my mom and she will not be able to return there because of the restraining order. I called the hospital to find out where she is, but they can’t release information. I am trying to find a place for her to go. I live fifty miles away from them and my bipolar sister does not like me and will not cooperate. This is so frustrating….
I was in the hospital psych ward for being suicidal. I hated it there and I did not believe I belonged with the real “crazies” I encountered there. So, I just acted happy and “normal” and got out after 5 days with little treatment. Luckily, I did get Prozac for 6 months. It took me 8 months to begin life again. The hospital scared me enough to want to find out what was wrong and my doctor says PTSD, my daughter says Bipolar Disorder. All I know now is that I don’t want to be locked up, so I do all I can to control my impulses. I am functioning, hold a good job, pay my bills. But if my daughter could commit me, she would, I believe. I do not want someone emotionally involved to possess the power to have me locked up. Only a doctor or the effected person should make this decision.
I’m glad you are taking responsibility to at least be ok enough not to be hospitalized. However, I absolutely hate when someone who has an illness says, “only the doctor or the affected person,” because your illness/behavior affects all around you, especially those who love you the most.
For example: I have a bipolar dad and 3 bipolar sisters out of 5 of us. 1 sister and my dad are able to manage day to day unless they drink or take benzos like xanax. 2 sisters are up and down all the time, but with alcohol they do mean, dangerous, violent, things like hitting, driving drunk, sleeping around, lying about serious things (false allegations), and only they matter. They aren’t around for their kids. My mom and I are called for “help” at all hours. They use us to the end of the earth. We try and cry for them all the time. When sirens can be heard, we brace ourselves for the family notification of death. It is stressful, costly, and heartbreaking to no end. The law says “danger to self or others” and leaves us with no options in getting them help until they escalate to the point of death (rather their own or someone else’s).
You say you and your doctor should be the only ones capable of getting this done?.. Well how is that working out for all of us? If you all could be responsible for your own treatment, we wouldn’t have to be concerned with it. The mentally ill cannot be trusted or accountable for themselves, if they could, why do so many refuse treatment? When they take treatment seriously, they can be trusted.
Now you may be “well” enough to be accountable, but based on the irrational response about others basically out to get you, I’m guessing you aren’t as well as you think. If you were, your daughter wouldn’t be so concerned. Think about it. Stop making us (the loved ones) seem like the bad guys, when in reality, we are forced to wait and see if you will care enough to get well or if you will be alive next month.
Sorry to be so harsh, but we are affected on this side, maybe even more so.
I am sorry you de that way T.J but I have mental illnesses and I can take care myself and I don’t refuse treatment as a matter fact I disagree with your statement just because some people can’t take care of their self’s with mental illnesses don’t mean other people cant you are just a jerk for saying that to Arlene you don’t know her situation you don’t know anybody situation with your own family’s so you need to quit being so judgmental people like you I wish you go to hell
Thanks for sharing. My daughter is manic right now and I am going through hell. She is not taking her meds and refuses to get committed. I love her dearly and when I try to help her she blames me for her illness. She has threatened me and will not let me help her with her two kids. It is a real nightmare for everyone involved. Yes you are right it is very hard for a parent to feel so helpless. Praying for everyone out there who is going through this illness and their family. I too need a lot of help in dealing with it.
I have been committed three times. Once was voluntary. Two were not. And I am grateful for my friend getting me help.
I think the laws in “danger to themselves or others” are just as fair as any other law. There is a reason you call the cops or doctors to evaluate you. If you want to report their behavior, you can to them. But regardless, if you were able to lock the mentally ill up for anything less than that it can be used and abused as it once was before. There is a reason deinstitutionalization took place.
Also not all mentally ill people respond to the same treatment. I for once, don’t do well with CBT or certain medications. If you forced them to do harmful therapies to them then it would only get worst.
My right to treatment is also my right to choose my treatment (or to some extent get treatment, some mentally ill people can function quite well on their own)
I totally agree, the mentally ill individual is not all there and is a danger to others when in a manic state but unfortunately there is no system in place to help family members help their mentally ill loved one! This needs to stop, laws need to chance what will it take for that to happen?
I am the person with bipolar and it is hard for me to be on the side of involuntary commitment, but I am. I have had 6-8 long hospitalizations where I was committed– I have bipolar 1 and for a bad ten years had frequent psychotic episodes. Being unable to care for oneself is part of the criteria for an involuntary hospitalization, but that is not always followed… I mean, I have been left to get worse and worse while loved ones tried to get me help. Being psychotic I wasn’t suicidal or homicidal but was often at great risk.
Arlene,
You are doing the right thing by staying in control of your life. You are keeping the truth in focus- no one can lock you up unless you give them a reason to. However, stay close to your therapist because that is the person who can make your life better.
I was hospitalized after a horrific manic-delusional episode where I had no idea what was reality and what wasn’t. I did some awful things thinking it was the best thing for me to do, like I was in survival mode. I did things I can’t write, because they shake me to the bone, I will say I stole my mothers car, and sped off believing I was in a mock universe. It was all so surreal. The police found me running across the state line, after I plunged my mom’s car into a swamp, and I was praying.
They took me in and I lied and lied and lied about who I was.
Besides the point, the county pressed charges or something, I was facing being committed or on a stay of committment. It was all so confusing and horrible. My poor mother went through so much, that I don’t blame them for doing what they did. Although I think the small town’s judicial system was corrupt. I ended up being sentenced as having bipolar 1 sever psychotic symptoms, and put on a 6 month stay of committment and forced to take my meds.
Heavy subject, but point being, if the situation is the matter between life and death, unfortunately their aren’t many choices.
Please check out my bipolar blog at http://manicviolet.com/blog/
I more than appreciate comments or feedback.
Great subject, if those are the right words…
Nada,
Did you read my post about my sister and my worries about how to help her? Can you give me advice on helping her find a place to live when she gets out the the mental institution. If she returns to live with my mom, she may hurt her. What are your thoughts? Please share, I want to help my sister, but she doesn’t want my help
Afterwards, behavior during a manic episode is sometimes … It’s so humiating, embarrassing. I severely restricted my own life trying to avoid people and places where I remember doing bizarre things. That’s not even addressing the real terrible consequences like losing your job, home, spouse, etc. Just the feelings… It’s really a trauma each time.
My husband is giving me the impression he is bipolar. He has been drinkin a lot. He cheated on me, and physically abused me. We have a special needs 2 year old who misses his dad. Sometimes I wish that is he was committed to a psych ward he would see the errors of his ways. I don’t want him in my life romatically but I do want him to be a good father for his son. He is not living with us. I took out a PPO because I was afraid he would attack me again. We have spoke to each other in the past week and he has apologized but I believe he only apologized because he is without income and living with his mom. I encouraged him to seek inpatient treatment but he refuses. I don’t believe he will complete outpatient. I am looking for suggestions. Thanks.
Someone being abusive and a cheater does NOT indicate bipolar disorder. Please educate yourself on the illness before you continue to perpetuate harmful stereotypes to those of us who actually live with this very stigmatized illness.
My mother has bipolar I have never seen her manic but now she is. She was arrested and taken to the hospital last week and this week my self and my sister are going to try hospitalizing her again. Last time they said she was manic but not dangerous so they sent her back home. I delt with it alone for a month because my sister and brother were at colladge. Now they are back and stuff is happining. I am 13 and I am sending my mom to the hospital, so I hpe I am right and she should be there.
Billy,
You are right to protect yourself by sending your mom to the hospital. Whenever your mom scares you- that is what you do. You did the right thing and I am so glad your so smart.
My husband was admitted last year due to a psychosis and spent a further year in hospital returning after being in a neuro psych hospital. He has episodes where he hates me and wants to destroy me because I took him to the crisis team and he was admitted. I drove him for 2.5 hours to the psych hospital to save him being taken by a police car. He sees everyone else in the wrong and is emotionally abusive. When you try to do the best for your loved one they hate you in the end. I am just trying to work out what to do and how to get out of this situation amidst the nastiness and him constantly putting me down. He has MS and can’t drive or walk so resents me for that too. He doesn’t remember how bad he was only what he experienced being in hospital against his will. He was almost none functioning during that time and obsesed with going blind. His behaviour was over powering even for hospital staff. He refuses to take medication and see any type of Doctor because in his mind he is perfect and top of the range. He has the financial means to be as powerful as he wants and treats people as if they are pawns in his life.
Jen, on july 11,09 at 12:32pm
Im so glad i’m not the only one going through this. My mom had to be hospitalized while manic and thinking she was perfectly fine. She was extremely agitated but not suicidal so they were ready to send her back home even though i got her there with the ambulance. I didn’t feel safe sleeping with her at night with my 3yr old in the house. I had to get her minister to talk her into signing the papers to commit herself. She wasn’t happy about it but she for some reason listens to him and not me. Its been 13 days and i can see the improvement, she is talking to me now where at 1st she hated me when i went to visit. She should be coming home soon and hope she realize that it was only because we love her that we wanted to admit her. its not fair that we have to wait until suicide attempts or violent threats to take a loved one to hospital to get help. ITS BETTER TO CATCH AND TREAT IT EARLY.
I’m a 49 year old woman who had no history of mental illness. I was involutarily committed for a three week stay at a mental hospital in May 2008 because of a psychotic episode. I was destroying our retirement nest-egg because I believed that money meant nothing. I bought a $55,000 car and wrote a hot check for it, then bought thousands of dollars worth of clothes and plants. I thought I was a mermaid named Pangea. I took my clothes off at the emergency room and went running out of the building. That wasn’t enough to get me committed. It was only when I started throwing furniture while I was in my waiting cubicle that the decision was made to have me assessed by the mental health professional. The process from the initial emergency room visit to the admission to the mental hospital took 8 hours because the number of mental hospital beds in Washington State has been steadily decreasing every year. I am writing a book about the experience. The working title is “I Thought I Was A Mermaid”. I also have a blog at crazymer1.wordpress.com.
What do u say when you have been with your husband for 7 plus years then all of a sudden one day.He says that I have to choose between my son and brother-in-law or him,I DO NOT believe in having to choose.If you dissagree with him then he threatens me and I feel that my life and my frinds are all in major danger.He has a way of sugar coating something like when I dragged you through the house it was for your own good.That is complete Bullshit.What advice can you give me?
Anybody who believes they have the right to hurt another person and claims it is for the other persons best interest is an abusive person. Each and every person (kids too) has their own rights not to be violated. If he is forcing you to make a decision to leave the people you love, then he is not going to give you a happy life. You better think hard about your priorities. He should not be number one. If you choose to stay with him, you have no one to blame for your unhappiness but yourself. Controlling husbands, wives or anybody else who tries to control you, are toxic individuals who confuse love with possession. Someone who loves somebody else makes them feel loved. Someone who earnestly loves you does not want to hurt you in any way whatsoever. They want to build your confidence up not make you feel like an idiot. Believe in those words and you have your answer
My mother was bipolar and she self medicated herself to death (heroin, crack, wahtever she could) at the ripe old age of 38. I was 20 at the time and hadn’t spoken with her in at least a year. She never met my daughter (she was 3 months old when my mom died) and was very sad that I wouldn’t let her. I told her to get clean and get hel, then we would talk about her knowin her granddaughter. Well My daughter is now 16 and her boyfreind shows clear signs of bipolar. He goes in to manic rages and cant control himself, he is needles to say not allowed aroud my daughter anymore. He is a sweet kid and he has a good heart, but he needs help. The nice kid moments are few and far between these days, I have given his mother number and number, website after website and she just says he wants attention. Today he is threatening suicide (which he has done before)while I was on the phone with him, I told his mother to call the cops, tell them he is in a rage and threatwning to kill himself. I told her they will take him to the hospitol for a psych hold, but she just says he wants attention, I told her to get her head out of her ass, that her sons problems will not just go away, you cant wish him better. I told her I know its scary to think your son may be mentally ill, but not as scarey as finding him dead in his room. I know it sounds harsh but sometimes you just need to be blunt with people, I dont want to see her son in pain needlessly because with the right help he will be a productive wonderful person.
my husband of 7 years was alittle stressed out at work, he told me he was suicidal in the past 1 attempt, on 03-01-2010 while my teenage daughter was sleeping my husband attempted suicide by overdose prescription meds, anti-depressants,valium, he must have fallen asleep for several hours out in his truck, woke up beating on the door scared the heck out of my poor daughter she called me i called 911, he almost died , he returned home is refusing to seek help, we are devastated by this ..but without medication & therapy i will have to remove myself & kids from this situation, is there any hope for him? 🙁
Removing yourself and the kids from the harmful situation was very smart as a mother and wife- your kids do not need to witness these disturbing episodes. I know you love him, but you have to consider if he was always been like this or if he has changed since you first married him. There are many functional bipolar people who live quite normal lives.These episodes wake us up to how serious situations can get. Stay strong and true to yourself in that he may or may not have the chance of living a normal healthy life. Keep pressing forward and make your children’s future a good one
I have been bulimic for 17 years. I’ve gotten to the point that my body is shutting down fast. I loose about a lb every two days and now down to 83lbs at 5’5″. My mother has been threatening to have me institutionalized and then take away my bank accounts and give them to my brother. I’m 38 and just have a mild depression and anxiety. Can they do this. Should I get a restraining order out on them
I am so sorry for your struggles with your illness. Your mother is trying to help you in the wrong way. She just sees her daughter wasting away and does not know how to handle the severity of the illness. You do need help because your health is deteriorating. Seek medical attention before you do get committed to a hospital. Make an appointment to visit your doctor and take his medical advice. Threatening to take your bank accounts away and giving them to your brother doesn’t help anything. If your mom is not on your accounts, then she does not have the power to take anything away. Work with her and let her know that you are seeking help. Your condition sounds severe if you are losing a pound every two days. Go to the doctor and rectify it and then ease your mom’s mind and tell her that you are seeing the doctor.
I need help. My fiancé I believe has schizoid/antisocial personality disorder and he is bipolar. He’s been taking Prozac for depression went off of it for a bit and started about 5 weeks ago. Usually take about a week for it to start reducing his agitation..however he began odd behavior. Keep in mind about every year he has some kind of episode in which he packs all his stuff and leaves me until he calls and he’s crying and suicidal..leaves sometimes because he’s afraid of continuing to hurt me..so he panics and makes terrible decisions..he’s also an alcoholic..anyways he began lying and spending more drinking more..it escalated to not coming home I found out he wasn’t showing up to work and they had been having some minor issues that started around the same time, we’ve been together 8 years..well we were in BAD shape couldn’t get him to open up to me as usual and then his/our bff’s wife passed away unexpectedly and we buried her this weds..we fought really bad on the way to the funeral because I could feel me losing him, he begged me to stay the previous week and said he’d so anything to save us..I saw it in his eyes..he was desperate and I believe he loves me more than anyone but this argument pushed him too far. He met someone online that day and two days later he left everything, his phone at work, his clothes and everything he owns at home..took my car and left after work. Planned it carefully. Didn’t show up to work sat, work says they will pay for treatment but I have BARELY TALKED to him and he expresses that he’s suicidal, that he loves me and that he’s sorry, told me he was going to drive off a bridge if I didn’t let him come back and then didn’t bother to show up. We are going to be homeless he was the main money in our house…it’s clear to me that he’s not all there. His convo is short and non responsive a lot and the man I love is in there some and I know he wants help but he says his head is spinning and wanted to come home but then poof he’s gone and hasn’t been back on FB..don’t know when he will be but I’m so sick we were suppose to be married Friday but I had to change the date because of his behavior..but the Prozac I think triggered the episode..idk how to get him home. If I get him home I might be able to help him. It makes me sick he’s actually with another female..says they haven’t been intimate, was having intimacy issues from this whole thing, half of the time “it” didn’t even work an he had no sex drive so I want to believe him he said he has no desire for that anymore..his responses are so flat..emotionless I need to get him home what do ido? We are going to lose everything and he has not contacted anyone I’m the only one he’s talked to and his family has been trying to get him his BFF hasn’t heard from him..I’m just sick it’s starting to feel like I have dependant personality disorder I’m in a panic PLEASE FOD SOMEONE HELP ME
Alison,
I know you love this man because you have stayed with him. You said you needed to get him home to help him. I’m sorry to say that you cannot help him. He has deep deep issues that you alone cannot help him with. It is not you, it is the illness. What you need to do is sit down and think about what your life will be like if you marry him. Are you willing to give up your happiness for someone who cannot control his illness. After you make that decision, then take those steps to get your happiness. You are in a position where you do not have obligations to this man. He is not your husband or family member. I know you said you saw the sincerity in his eyes, however; don’t mistake love for a cry for help. His actions are showing that he does not have the ability to make sound decisions about anything. Please reconsider marring this individual unless you want to live life as a roller coaster ride. If marriage and family is what you want, he may not be the right candidate unless you are willing to go down that dangerous path with him. Be open to the fact that he may do all of these things again and again and again and again. Ask yourself if you can take this treatment and then make your final decision.
Where do I begin! My mother in law has just died. She had 2 sons 1 my husband the other she lived with in her own home. My brother in law has Mental issues. His mother protected him for all his life. He is 55 years old, claims no benefits. Now the crunch, the house has been divided between the two sons. My husband is slowly sorting the paperwork out. We have just found the will. I have told my husband to put all the bills in his brothers name. The problem is he has no doctor, nothing in his name and does not exists! My husband has said he will sort things out but isn’t. I know he will do what the mother in law has done. We still have a mortgage and cannot start paying for his brothers bills. I have told my husband to get his brother registered then get in touch with Social Services. The problem is his brother says nothing is wrong with him. Help
My heart goes out to you Stella. I have a delusional brother who my mom protects. She is 85 and soon he will be on his own. He says nothing is wrong with him. However; he says he can read minds and we can hear him arguing with himself in the other room. I feel helpless. But he is so rude that I just stay away. I do not know what will happen to him once mom goes. Currently, we are dealing with my bipolar sister who is out of control. The hospitals cannot give any advice due to patient confidentiality. Here we have two mentally ill people living with my 85 year old mom. I live 55 miles away and feel helpless. Unless your brother in law admits he needs help, I am told, you can’t do anything unless he poses harm to himself or another person.
I need advice on what to do or how to get my husband help..
he is suicidal he is drinking heavily ran off to another state is cheating and on a destructive path. Saying his life is over, says he can’t tell reality from dreams and depressed. He abandoned me and our 2 kids and thinks we don’t love or need or want him that he is trash.. he is only 28 but swears he is going threw a midlife.. he is trying to harm someone else over their girlfriend.. please advice..
Your married so that means if he causes damage to someone else’s property- your going to have to foot the bill. I know this is devastating but you must defend your self and kids. Take precautions to separate your money from him for you and the kids. He can easily drain your accounts leaving you with no money to live on. I know concerned about him. He has to want help before anyone can give him support. When he is in an unreasonable state- you can’t help him. Protect yourself and your kids and hide a nest egg to prepare for the worst. I am so sorry for your worries. But keep you head in this and do not lose sight of how to protect your family.
My sister is currently suffering Bipolar 1 manic episodes with psychosis due to not being on her meds for ~2 years. She was committed involuntarily 2 days ago.
In her normal state, she is an extremely docile and gentle personality, but in manic state, extremely aggressive and irritable towards family. So much so that she was also jailed for 10 days for trespassing and unlawful entry! And to top it, she pulled restraining orders against me dragging the courts into it. And while the court will not dismiss the orders without speaking with her (she cannot make the court date because of her involuntary admission), I spend more time making rounds of the court than at the hospital.
Of course, getting any information from the hospital is impossible due to HIPAA laws.
We are praying that the involuntary commitment gives her the jolt she so desperately needs to get back on her medication.
Heartening to read that so many people suffer the same challenges that we are – I do believe the norms of privacy and rights need to be contextualized in the interest of long term health of the person – and not be generally applied to the entire population.
This was good information for us. We are the parents of a 24 year old male who has been manic for over 3 months. He tales his medication but ot is not working. At his last Psychiatry appointment the doctor urged him to check himself into the hospital in order to stabilize his medications, he refused and walked out of the Dr’s office. Recently he has become more agitated and is set off easily. When he realized we were recording one of his “tantrums” he got physical. He almost broke my arm getting the phone, held me down in a hold with his legs and arms and when his father tried to intervene, he let go of me and put him in a chokehold. Needless to say, my husband started to pass out and kept telling him he could not breathe. I panicked, finally got a hold of my husbands phone and ran into the bathroom to call my daughter to tell her to call 911. I was afraid if I dialed the number and they didn’t answer quickly enough, my son would snatch the phone and that would be it. However, when he heard me on the phone, he panicked and left the house. So now we are faced with him coming back and having to live through his pleadind, begging, and saying he’s sorry because he has no other place to live. I’m afraid we are in for having to show some tough love but I’m worried about his retaliation.
My situation is more complicated I have severe depression while my husband is bi polar manic. He is getting mean hateful and wants to hit me so bad. He has been pushing me and throwing things at me he wants me to fight back so he can really slug me. He’s hateful and mean to our children more like a bully and then he does scarey things that might hurt us! But he says I’m crazy
Dear Lisa –
Have you been able to tell anyone else about what is happening in your home? Is there a domestic violence group you can contact confidentially? I encourage you to speak to someone who can think this through with you and who will keep your concerns in total confidence. That kind of emotional abuse can sometimes be even more painful and damaging than physical scars.
Take good care of yourself and your children –
I have a 15 yr old granddaughter that has been into cutting herself, feeling, worthless, suicidal.. She came from a mom and dad who were only together one night (conceived) and has been living with her mother all of her life in a very secluded town. She claims she has been emotionally abused , so far and has moved in with her biological fathers brother and wife for four months. They set rules and found out she had razors in between mattresses and snuck out to meet a boy at a park. She has been diagnosed with manic depression and is on medicine. They kicked her out of their home, gave up. She then went to live with her biological father, rode her bike to school, brought her grades up, but was acting off and her phone was taken from her. He found pictures on her phone that were inappropriate. She asked for her phone back, and he said not yet. She and he started larguinf. So he called a 51/59, once again. She manipulates all of us and it is so heartbreaking. We accept her calls, but have felt sorry for her and now feel horrible for giving her false hope of staying with us. Her mom and dad want her to get help and go live in a group home. My son just called me and told me she has told him that my husband and I are taking her in, but we are too old for this and feel bad but cannot do it. She will not talk or even look at her mother. She claim she will kill herself if she goes back to her moms. Her dad has a male roommate in a two bedroom apt. Plus they are not educated about bipolar/ depression and refuse to research or learn about it. Lord help her. I feel so bad.?
Please help!!!! Brother is in Custody on violent crimes. They want to send him to prison. He has long history of mental illness and very recently jumped off a building running from police and was hospitalized. He needs doctors help not prison he doesn’t realize what goin on
Hi, Jake–Sorry to year about your brother. Please see out post “What To Do If a Loved One with Bipolar Disorder Is Arrested.” Be persistent.
What do you do if you do all of this and your loved one bounces back and forth from jail to the hospital and just as he gets level headed back to jail. He is in this rotation until he times out of jail per say. Now they allowed him to use the phone at hospital contacting someone with a protective order and being told they can add years to jail time. But again they put him in hospital, he gets level headed he goes back to jail for date to see judge, he has the right not to take meds, by the time he gets in front of judge there is signs he isn’t stable, then we do it all again. He doesn’t think he needs help. This hospital sounds like they don’t do visits with a doctor to help him just give him medicine to stabilize him to put him back in jail and in front of a judge. Never ending. Now he is threatening everyone, except me because I haven’t talked to him. I was waiting until he is back on meds at the hospital. Do we not talk to him? I think we should all stand united and tell him we love him but the way he is acting we can’t talk to him and tell him we will try another day and do that over and over until he sees we love him and maybe we do want to help. Is this possible when manic?
Hi, Dawn. Speaking only from my experience, nothing can be accomplished when a loved one is in the throes of mania. Your loved one is probably not capable of thinking rationally. The best thing I can think of is to back off, avoid engaging in any arguments, protect yourself, and try your best to convince those in charge that your loved one needs effective medical treatment, and it may need to be compulsory.
As you point out, the system, especially the legal system, can be dysfunctional. I’ve been experiencing that first hand for myself lately. Seems all the law wants to do is convict and incarcerate, not help someone get back on their feet or help families heal and regain their footing.
Are you able to contact a doctor in charge, or does the phrase “doctor in charge” sound more like a dream than reality? If you can contact the doctor in charge or someone in charge of medicine at the jail, share the frustrations you expressed here and see if anything can be done. Point out that they are not acting in the best interest of your loved one to honor his right not to take medication. I’ve heard of instances when the court orders medication, and the person has to come in for a three-month injection of Invega or some other long-acting anti-psychotic that helps with the mania.
Not sure what the solution is to break the vicious cycle you describe, but the mania will probably need to abate before you can hope to make any headway.
Hello I am a mother of a 19 year old boy with bi polar disorder, and like all of you he declines to take his medicine. He manipulates me into thinking that everything is my fault and he told me that I was a psycho path. I cannot allow him in my house due to all the outbursts he has, he gets upset and he will slap himself repeatedly in front of me, my boyfriend and pretty much anyone that is there. He was kicked out at 18 due to these outbursts and then he didn’t have a place to go so I let him stay its only been a week and he did this again. I don’t understand and I am going through my own stuff right now. He doesn’t get it he just blames and blames me and everyone around me for his outbursts. Last night I had to call the police to get him out of my house because when I asked him several times to leave he wouldn’t He feels I owe him because I am his mother, and I just mentally, physically, and emotionally cannot deal with his behavior. He will not get help he told me last night he would sleep outside and die, we are in Michigan. I found a place for him to stay he didn’t want to go, and I told him the shelter he didn’t want to go either. I am trying to help him I just can’t have him at my home. Is there anyone out there that can please give me some advise? I have been crying on and off about this, and also I have depression and anxiety myself, and he seems to not care at all what I am going through or how I am dealing with this situation of his actions.
Hi im in awful need of help for my brother who is bio polar and most of the times in a manic violent state. As far as of now he is damaging my parents property and doing bodily harm to himself and others. They live in a small town and we have called the police several times and still nothingbhas been done. Even wittnessing themselfs his manic violent states. My fear the only escape from this insanity is my brother committing sucidie to this tragic situation. Please help me and my family with any direction or suggestions on what to for some help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much and hope to hear from you soon.
my brother was diagnosed at 17 w manic depressive
My sister husband having mania case he speak laudly beating his wife and children.talking infinite in any topic showing he is very knowlagble no caring whats going. Some time he has OK but after some time he does same thing. We asked one of doctor and phycologists they told about mania case. Also when he know about the treatment he become more dangoer even he did not taking medician.please help me how I can protect my sister I want to give him medical facility but how I can please suggest
I am pissed as I read this article.I am fully aware of the need for educating the public on what to do in these types of situations. The folks that deal with this in their family have an unbelievably difficult job on their hands. BUT…not everyone that reads this article will use it for “GOOD” and not “EVIL”.
People that are looking to get someone thrown into a Psych Ward for their own demented reasons are now going to have a “How To” manual on getting someone committed against their will.
I’m sorry I am so snippy. It happened to me, and I have realized that my Narcissistic Mother (in an attempt to have me declared incompetent and take over my bank accounts that were near 50K at the time) used a website called Treatmentadvocacycenter.org as her “How to”.
Check out this video if you don’t believe me:
https://youtu.be/c9gfVaNeXfM
My brother needs help so very bad ND tends to be getting worse every day and extremely violent and angry, talks to animaginary friend he tends to think he has 7 houses including ours knocks on the dones to harass them has cops called on him. Thinks he has money and that we take it but never works. I can’t take it anymore I don’t know what to do, can you please help me he repeats the same situation every day I’m batling cancer and am getting weaker, he’s 44 Gregory Martinez, thank you
I have an adult daughter wroth two children in my home. She is not on medication,does not see therapist,psychiatrist or any Dr for it. She self medicated and has episodes. Today was a bad one again in front of her 2 and 4 year old and she said to my 26 year old son, if hippy call cps or police I will kill you. She said it two times today and another about a year ago. What can I do as her parent and the grandmother? Ty
The above description describes my daughter Donna in All and Every way. As a child growing up she was Always different,in scary ways that I knew were self destructive.Now Her Destructive Behaviors Have Escalated and I greatly fear she will do harm to NOT only Herself But Most of All Her Three Children.Bella is ten and the oldest it is already effected Her Deeply! And Donnas Twins who are soon to be Four witness their Mothers manic outbursts daily and are afraid of her! Unfortunately Donna has pushed Most All of Her Family away and wants None of us to know what she’s doing right now! She has refused to talk to all of us?! I Fear Most She Will Neglect and or do Irreversible Harm to Especially Her Children. I Deeply Love My Daughter and Pray she will willingly commit Herself for Emergency Mental Health Care. But I don’t see her agreeing to do so?! She was diagnosed as a teenager as being Bipolar/Manic Depressive and attempted suicide by overdose. She was admitted for emergency mental health diagnosis for two weeks and follow up outpatient care after but refused to take her med.s and self medicated with illegal drugs alcohol and God only knows what other drugs! I’m making this statement as a last resort to get my Daughter the help she needs.Her Life and Her Children’s Lives Are In Danger That Is Irreversible!! I Do Not Know How To Force Her to Get Emergency Intervention? I’m very scared and don’t know Who to turn to for Help?!
My daughter has bipolar and is out of control 85% of the time. I’m at my wit’s end. She dose not live with me at this point she lives in the apartment above me she has a husband and 2 small children I worry about the children because both adults suffering from disorders. They have me so broke I can’t even pay my own bills I need help in can’t do this anymore.
I have non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and have been forced to be a part of not one but two uncaring dishonest hospice companies. I am going to be 64 the 30th of this month .august. my husband of 37 years has become very verbally abusive and argumentative to the extent that he throws things and curses Gods name in vain. I have, several times in the past, reported this to my DHS case manager, and somehow the reported concerns turned in to Adult Protective Services got turned around and instead of investigating him, they showed up to talk with me and test my cognizance. I have contemplated many concepts to seek relief from this verbal physical and emotional abuse, not to mention hes become (excuse my graphic truthful description) ,
Uh a filthy pig. He showers maybe once a month the day prior to his next doctor’s appointment, he urinates in a line of 27 empty coffee creamer cans in his room, stays in a wheelchair instead if wearing his prosthetic customized leg he had a fit I get for him, he lost his leg by being this filthy pig, having a small rubbed blister on bottom of big toe and gangrene set in and worked its way up his leg, so the docs cut it off. I did his home wound care as I was qualified, alongside home health agency as well, and he began his hatefulness, filthiness and I have sickening photos of how he was forcing us to live before we moved here 16 months ago. I cannot take much more of these multiple abuse acts against me but I refuse to leave my home and lose my two dachshunds. Thru my cancer adventure they have been my little support group. Please advise me if I can vet him out and make him help still pay my rent. I cant afford to keep living as I do with him. Please help advise me. God bless you. And thank you.
Helli.I’my Mrs.Collie I’mean wondering regards my brother if he never been diagnosed with any mental illness get treated.Hey has bipolar/schizophrenic tendencies anger-management problems he has co-occurring problems under the influence of a controlled substance causes a worse reaction.Causing everyone to be in danger.What should I do?Plse contact me 3239018884.
My husband contacted crisis team only to be told to contact them the next day as I had been drinking, despite threatening suicie and accessing razors. He monitored me all night and took me to the hospital the next day. He had been told to ask for the crisis team who would be contacted directly. One hour later we were called through by a nasty nurse who asked me if I had taken anything, her boredom was blatant, I walked out and left my husband to it, but he had the car keys and I had no means of getting home. Eventually a crisis team member came and I was escorted by my husband back to the hospital a&be department. I remember trying to attack my husband and the doctor suggesting that I should go into hospital. This I did and despite trying to discharge myself 8 days later, I was relieved to be there. All the responsibilities I have were lifted, I have four children, and dealing with four schools in today’s climate is a nightmare. I emerged a month later, saner and happier. Thank you Dudley mental health services. I still don’t believe I have a mental illness, I am only surprised that more parents are not admitted to hospital.
I have a questions my husband is bipolar and we recently got into a argument and he shoving me beucuse I wouldn’t let him in the door where our two kids where sitting and crying how can I help him I turn to his parents because he thinks I’m the problem so I reach out to them asked for help but they tell me they’re not getting in the middle of it that he seems fine but when his around me and kids his not he has severe mood swings I don’t how to help him he says he doesn’t need help or treatment that he’s fine without me being around so please if there’s anybody out there to help me to help him please do so they recently gave him a weapon and it scares me that his going us it on him or take it out with me or kid they his already threatening us eight took off and left but I’m still worried about him
My 34 year old wife is being mentalic sick and diagnose with schizophrenia affective disorder. She was doing ok with meds for a about 7 years but recently the meds are not helping. She was hospitalized 2 months ago and she stayed 3 weeks in the hospital refusing to change her meds. The court order her to get the meds recommended by the doctor but the meds are not doing much to helper. We have 3 boys and a ba y girl who is 10 months. It has being hell becuase i am so scared of leaving her with my kids alone in the house while i have to work. She is delusional and acts really weird. I wish I could put her in a hospital for her to be taken care of and at the same time have my kids safe from her. I do not know how to get help or where to star. Any advised please.
Ms. Slattery, please detail why you were “incarcerated,” three times. Surely you did something out of the ordinary. For example, were you drinking too much, smoking pot, doing drugs, abusing (physically, emotionally and mentally)your spouse (if married), or family members, refusing to be gainfully employed, etc. People are not incarcerated for no reason at all. What your comments, about how badly you were treated, show is that you are indeed mentally ill. Stop your complaining. Take your meds. Stop imposing on others.
Pardon my French, but what the Hell do you mean by this:
“I’m not recommending that you do this, but some people have reported turning over furniture before the police arrive to stage a violent scene. When the police witness the chaos, they’re a little more likely to conclude that your loved one really is in a violent state. Again be careful”
You say you’re not recommending it, but it seems to me like you might be kinda recommending it, yet cautioning people to be careful.
If so, then that is fraud. It’s dishonest. And it’s certainly not what our justice system was built on.
Obviously you will not confirm whether or not this was your intended message, but if it was, I hope that you will come to realize not only how unethical this post is, but also that giving people “advice” like this is completely irresponsible and reprehensible.
It’s no different than lying.
I hope that you and all intelligent readers give this some thought. Thank you.
Thank you. Please see my post. Thats exactly what people like the nightmare Im livjng with do and why we get abused and why and how they get away with it. Its ingenious and sick. And obviously we are too upset to probably even notice..I know that everytime I have called in fear of my life, im nervous and have secluded myself just waiting to talk to them hoping they will help me but they turn on me for some reason and i know he always stages things in some way because I caught him one time but in times like that, Im definitely keeping my distance from him so of course he can get away with doing that and it worked many many times..this is very very serious and they should all be sued for being corrupt because one day im going to be dead. All because I got called “crazy”. He admitted to me and others that he purposely pushes my buttons and in front of other people too. I have bipolar 1 disorder, panic disorder, add, ptsd and bpd. When he tried to strangle me and then punched me over and over to where i couldnt hear out of my ear they did nothing. They just always tell me to leave my house. Bc he tells them im mentally ill. If you trigger someone into a manic episode you should be ashamed and it can be fatal, its not a game and its nothing to get your rocks off about. Sorry, but im really worked up, ive been getting beat up for two weeks and i do not know what the hell to do ive been dealing with this for so long it had stopped for a while so im sad and i try to hide it but inside im dying and ill never get better this way and it makes me sick that everyone thinks hes a good person and he talks bad about me and plays victim and uses me i just want help out w my girls almost into hiding this guy is a monster and needs help ive been scared for years
Thanks, Sean. We removed that text from the post.
I’m struggling! I’m 26, married, 2 beautiful children. We own our home and vehicles. My life is everything I ever wanted. But my brain feels like it’s in tangles. Loud, repetitive noises make me go insane. Angry. I want to scream! My mood swings are getting worse. In bed for days over eating, to being happy and cleaning my whole house ans than some. I recently tore my kitchen apart by myself. We do plan on renovating it, I just decided it needs to be done sooner!! My poor kids and husband. I feel like I’m constantly unhappy. Sad. Angry. Overwhelmed. I have been waiting to see a counselor, and psychologist. But it’s taking forever! I’m trying my hardest to fight these awfull things. I just want to be happy again. I was never like this. I’ve always had minor mood swings but tho past year it just seems like everything has gotten 100x worse. The holidays sick. I have no support system where I live. My family lives over 600miles away. I wish there was more that could ve done than just wait to talk to somone. I don’t want to kill myself or anything but I definitely have suicidal thoughts, I always have but nothing too serious….ughh I just don’t know what to do. I know I need help, but I’m really not a danger to myself. Definitely dont think my kids should witness my episides but i grew up around worse….
This infuriates me. Everytime Ive called the police for help out of an abusive situation, I guess this is what he said and did. Because no matter what, the police always sided with him and he got away with it. So Ive stopped calling. Now he threatens to call them on me, claiming to be the victim. After he and his daughter purposely trigger me into a manic episode. Even though I have new and old cuts, scrapes and bruises all over me all the time. And my little girls see me upset everyday. To the point that I cannot function. He threatens to tell everyone all my personal medical information, about my past, everything Ive ever said and/or done during an episode, constant namecalling, belittling, disrespect, yelling, cursing, public embarrassment, gangs up on me with his 13 yr old daughter. He calls me names to her and his sons, fights w me in front of all the kids, screams so loud, hes so cruel. He tells her all our business and drags her into our arguments. If he gets real mad, he will scream her name at the top of her lungs and says “help!” so she comes running like ive hurt him and starts yelling at me and whatnot, all i see is red. Last night he asked her TWICE if she wanted him to cut my throat, she said YES, TWICE. He tells her to provoke me then to hit her so he wont go to jail for it. This is in front of my precious little ten yr old, she was helping me cook dinner ? he knows hes got me scared into a corner and I feel helpless and hopeless; lonely and sad. Everyday. Especially for my kids. And for his. Even though i hate her. Shes horrible. Their mom is dead. He tried to choke her in ’07 but got off and she “hung herself” out of nowhere 2 yrs ago. They were divorced. She wanted more child support for the boys who have special needs and she also wanted her daughter. He decided to take the boys on but i end up having to watch them and i cannot handle them. They are not controllable and I have my own issues. He gets a check every month for each one of those kids. I cant even trust the police. Says he will pull “the crazy card” out on me. I found out that hes actually been stealing and stockpiling personal and private and medical documents from me just to hand to police or to the court to make me look crazy, if I was to ever try to “get him in trouble”. Even forged some of the information on there. For SEVEN YEARS. Says hes got a FILE on me. I do know that he has been recording me for years against my will during arguments or when hes got me heated and if he catches me doing it to him he tries to break my phone or I get hurt trying to save it. I have to hide it. At one point, I had 3 nonworking old phones on mute but recording and hid, set up around upstairs around me because I was so scared and my daughter and mom had the passwords to all of them; I made sure to have my working phone on me. They also knew where all my keys and papers and safe were..my kids’ death benefits papers..I am only 33, I am 100 percent mentally disabled, I have 2 little girls. I am with a narcissist. And i have to say i have feared for my life, ive been hurt many, many times, im way too stressed out, my mental and physical health has and continues to drastically decline.. I cant get away from him, ive tried. I want nothing more than help to get away from him forever and never look back. I dont want to live like this and I just want my girls to be happy. I hate him. I am not afraid to die. Im afraid to live. ill lose my mind again soon if i dont get out. He only makes matters worse. Im good when hes not around. I feel so trapped. All my friends and family are gone. Done. I need a car and a house. And a way to get our things out of here. Hes got me so paranoid. Its truly a living nightmare. Hell. And he cant know where we go. Someone please help. God bless.
Help! What do I do when your 83 year year old mother is constantly pulling a knife or scissors on you. Do I wait until she stabs me or go to the police? I live with her. I pay rent. I work. She is constantly threatening me. I’ve told a couple of my friends about these incidents. I have no where else to go. Please help me.
My wife of 17 years is bipolar. About 13 years ago she had an “episode”. She began hearing “things”. People in the yard, on the porch, etc.. She then began to hear what she believed to be me in the neighbors house having sex. She went away finally after starting a war with the neighbors. Now here we are again. I had to leave a few months ago because she was torturing me with accusations of having sex with a woman that I was hiding in the house! Now, since I’m not there, she again turned on our neighbors. (We are at a new home)My 16 Year old daughter told me she broke all of the neighbors windows in their first floor because she thinks she hears me through the walls having sex with THE neighbors. She was cited for vandalism. I brought her story along with the police dockets to our local mental health facility and they refused a 302 twice! My wife has no family to call. I feel completely defeated and I have no faith in the system. I really worried about her and this city will wait until she gets hurt or hurts someone else. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!
Has anyone been able to repair the marriage after the wife has been sent to treatment 2 times, tried suicide and now won’t go home? She blames me although my step son was the one that called on her. Truth, I took the phone from him so she couldn’t blame him, both times. I am dying right now. She has been gone over 3 months, and when I am face to face with her(visiting) everything is great. When I leave it all falls apart. Somebody please help.
P.S. They have her on 6 different med’s if that means anything…
There should be a psych doctor or team that could make house calls especially for emergencies. This way I wouldn’t have to call the police who are trained for domestic violence saying, he shouldn’t ever speak to you like that but not realizing that he has an illness. It just makes things worse.
A doctor could assess him and maybe prevent a bad situation from becoming worse. My husband was not violent or suicidal but he was hostile and thought he was being harassed at work so he quit, then he broke the lease to the apartment and tried to sell the furniture. Hrmmm, now my husband is leaving me here to go on a solo overseas trip while I have no home anndd I’m trying to figure out where to keep my furniture and our cat. Hellooo, why can’t people get involved when they need it. They say it’s up to him but he clearly can’t make sound or sane decisions when he’s like this, he was offered treatment but also offered an easy out so he took the easy way out. I feel sometimes they need tough love not mean, just someone brave that isn’t afraid of their swings.
The bottom line is that sometimes the illness makes it so that the person can’t think properly, problem solve, or realize that they are out of line so they really need someone who can help them do this in a healthy way. Just like when someone has a stroke they can’t feed themselves any longer and need help to do basic tasks. Don’t listen to the anger and vengeful comments they spew out because it is just the illness taking over and they will know later that they shouldn’t have done that but can’t control it at the time. The trick is to not respond to it or take it personal.
In my humble opinion criminals are better taken care off than mentally ill people in this country. It all boils down to insurance dictating healthcare.
My mom has been bipolar as long as I can remember, but of course Dad and I didn’t know what was wrong for many years. She had a nervous breakdown a few years after I left home, and it was obvious she had a complete break with reality, but again, Dad didn’t see it. He loved her and doted on her and did everything she told him to do. Which was fine until he died unexpectedly, and she expected the rest of the world including me to do the same. No medication has ever “fixed” her. She swings like clockwork at three month intervals, from completely down, to sky high. There is no in between. She has been Baker Acted at least five times in Florida, and the same but called something different in Georgia twice. She has been kicked out of every mental hospital, nursing home, assisted living facility, even regular hospitals because she is mean and nasty and threatens to sue everyone. She has even called Adult Protective Services on the mental health hospitals. She tries to get other patients to leave and sign petitions. She is horrible rotten nasty person and I cannot stand her. But she does everything she can to make me feel guilty about not wanting anything to do with her. I have tried everything I know to do for her, but she thinks I don’t do enough. She will not do what she should do, which is to move into a facility and friggin stay there, obey the dang rules, and shut her friggin mouth. She has alienated herself from everyone, and no one wants to help her anymore. As I said, I cannot stand to hear her voice, or even see her face. She has made my life a living hell. I’m sorry she is mentally ill, but I cannot fix her. And I cannot save her from herself. I don’t understand why they won’t put her in a state mental hospital, lock her up, and throw away the key.
I have twins with schizophrenia. One has the paranoid and is combative, and aggressive while the other is schizoaffective and can act irrational but usually not aggressive or combative. The one with paranoid shizophrenia is getting to the point where it is impossible for him to live without being institutionalized. He has been kicked out of almost every hotel I put him in, every apartment, every family members home. He just gets to argumentative, rages, and aggressive with everyone. We have gone through hell this last year and I am running out of options to house him in a safe environment. I have begged and pleaded with the mental health facilities to put him in a long-term environment as I see no other way. He gets a shot every other week but it isn’t helping. I am losing money quickly paying for places he then gets kicked out of because he won’t leave people alone. I don’t see why when someone is this chronically ill and aggressive that something can’t be done to protect others and the one that is ill.
I’m dealing with my partner talking to people that are not even in the room, along with him believing that I am constantly against or plotting against him. He is not to be reckoned with at the time and thinks what ever I say is to “set” him up to be convicted of what ever non-sense is going through his head.
He’s is begging me to give back a certain concoction of meds he made to commit suicide (Xanax, and GHB). Saying that is isn’t right that I took that away from him, it was his way of ending the voices.
What should I do..
I am living what you are dealing with as my son has these manic episodes. He also, has been stabilized by stays at a hospital, but each time he hates me for it. However, his life as he stays on his meds is so much better. He even went back to college and finished his MBA. Then, stopped taking the meds, and It has been a year and a half now. His manic episodes are so often and so bad, i cannot sleep. He refuses to go to the dr. Several yrs ago, he received a shot which lasted for three months at a time. During that time period of almost two yrs. He was at his best since he was afflicted with the m. Illness at age 26. Healthcare was changed and the shots were no longer affordable. I have tried to help my son for ten yrs now, and it has been a roller coaster. I dont know that I can handle this much longer. There is no help. I have made countless attempts over the years. Between the hippa laws and have even been told he doesnt qualify for a social visit because he is the wrong age. Not old, and not young!! The doors are always closed.
Hi guys I would really like some help, it’s been hard for my family I’m 21 years old and my older brother is a Bi polar 1. We are 2 of 13 kids in our family. His illness has taken a toll on all our life’s. He has been diagnosed for three years, he goes into the maniac state around January every year. He has worked in sales his whole life and has learned about the psychology of the brain. He has a lot of strong tactics to reject and differ questions. When he is in the manic state he does reckless things like, “travel to New York to fight Terrorist” or spend every penny he has to his name and borrow money from anyone he can. He gets super anxious and paranoid, he thinks everyone is out to get him. Like the mayor or the cia. He refuses to get help. He says he takes his meds but we truly do know what to believe when it comes out of his mouth. My brother is sweet, caring, generous and a stand out guy but when he is in this state of mind he is a danger not only to himself but my little siblings who don’t necessarily know how mental illness works. I’m making the post to see if anyone can help, we are getting desperate. He is now trying to acquire a firearm and it’s scaring me. Any input would be very appreciated. Thank you
Our 22 year old son has Bipolar 1 also. Did you get help? We are suffering too!
I mean she knows her name and she knows she’s in the hospital and she recognizes our faces and knows our names. She’s just having problems talking like talking really really low you can’t understand what she’s saying
I called the police twice in about 2 weeks to take my 26 year old nephew to the hospital because he was off his meds and not sleeping..the first time police came out and didnt even bother speaking to him to see his mental state and left..The second time I called about a week later they came out to speak to us..So it was myself,my father and my aunt pleading with them to take him because he threatened to get a gun and shoot my house up..He told them he would go in an hour which we said was a lie to get them to leave…nothing they could do…..He left my house that night and 2 weeks later we found him in a coma in icu.He apparently walked onto a freeway and got hit by a car..Most likely he wont survive this.
My question is does anyone think the police are legally responsible for this in any way?