From Joe
I took my wife to the hospital on Sunday. It broke my heart and hers. I think there is nothing more difficult in life than checking a loved one into one of these places, but I felt that we had no other option. Cecie was cycling into a manic episode with a good dose of psychosis mixed in. She spent Saturday night on our dock by the lake feeding the carp Cheerios. She said she saw a carp jump out of the water and turn into our cat. She was scheduled to leave on a vacation for Spain on Tuesday with our daughter. She needed treatment to bring her down and help her sleep, but the only way she could get the treatment she needed was to voluntarily be admitted to the psychiatric ward at the hospital.
We were fully aware of all the warning signs, and we knew early on that she was getting more and more manic and losing sleep. I called her doctor’s office last Wednesday and informed him that Cecie was cycling and not getting sleep. He called in a prescription for Lyrica. He said it would help her sleep. I think it was like giving someone a sleeping pill when she really needed one of those tranquilizer darts they shoot lions with. She needed something to knock her out for several hours to get some rest, but they don’t give you those things just because you ask for them.
As a result, the mania snow-balled, and with it, so did the anger, the meanness, the lashing out at her loved ones.
Checking her into the hospital was a nightmare. She is very attached to all of the “little things” that give her her identity – earrings, necklaces, bracelets. They stripped her of those things, and I felt that they were stripping her of her soul. She called me yesterday sobbing that she lost two rings they let her keep. I hope they are in storage somewhere at the hospital. If they are gone, it will be another thing we lost to bipolar disorder.
It’s the little things that comfort her – her own bed, a clean and private restroom, free access to loved ones, sunshine, fresh air. When she checked into the hospital, she lost all of those little things. I wonder why the doctor couldn’t make a house call, give her a shot at our home, so she would not have to go through all of this.
I cried half the day Sunday. I am crying now.
I will push to have her released today, whether she feels better or not. If she feels better, I will be thankful. If she feels worse, it will just prove to me that psychiatric ward is just not conducive to mental health.
As I was writing this, Cecie called. She sounded better, calmer. She believes she will be released today. She found one of the rings she had lost – the one from her grandmother. Maybe today will be filled with more smiles than tears. I will be happy to have her home. She is truly my better half.
wow, thanks for sharing. I love your blog.
I find it very frustrating that you recognized that you were going into a mania but couldn’t prevent it. I would be furious with the doctor.
Take care and have a nice recovery at home now!
Follow up: I picked up Cecie at 11:30, and she is tired but fairly stable. Knowing what I know, to see her this well after only two days is miraculous. We will see her therapist (Lucy) on Thursday. Lucy called several times while Cecie was in the hospital, which makes me think that she will be an excellent support person. Cecie had one other therapist who was A+. Usually, I have to hunt down the professionals – it was a welcome change to have Lucy call me.
We’ll need to speak with the doctor later. Yes, Kerri-Jo, we are frustrated and furious. This is a hospitalization that could have been prevented. We’re thankful, though, that Cecie is home and fairly stable. I hope in a few days she will be back to her old self.
Hospitalization can be a nightmare, but sometimes is nec. It can change someone for the better or for the worse. Just remember to ALWAYS take the meds!
Please feel free to come to my discussion forum at http://www.diagnosedbipolar.com
I am someone who suffers from Bipolar. Most of the time I don’t use the word “Suffer” because I have it under control.
I am unable to sleep right now and am up just trying to do quiet things to tire out my brain.
I am really conflicted right now about whether I should self admit right now.
I am really feeling uneasy about myself. I just don’t think I can control myself at work.
I broke down last night and was going to self admit but like Joe said the good things are taken away. I mean it’s not that I fear hurting me, I’m not suicidal I’m just really leery of the way I will react to what goes on around me. I can’t loose my cool at work. I do plan on talking to my boss (Luckily they know about my condition and are pretty supportive) but if I tell anyone like them or my doctor why I feel so scared I’m sure to be put in the hospital anyways.
I just didn’t see this episode coming. I’m really not happy with the possibilities.
I feel for your wife. These things come into play at the worst times.
Hi, Kara–
After the brief hospital stay I describe in this post, Cecie relapsed and ended up in a different mental health facility where she stayed for three weeks. She was much more comfortable there, and as Colin points out in his comment, the hospitalization was necessary. It sort of rebooted everything and gave the new medication (lithium) time to kick in.
The 2008 summer edition of bp Magazine was entitled “Going to the Hospital: Setback or Reset.” For us, the second hospitalization was definitely a reset.
My wife and i live in a small alaska town and the psych ward is a plane flight or a long drive away. We had an excellent psychiatrist in our town but his life has taken him in a different direction. Losing him has been very difficult for my wife. And not being able to find a suitable replacement has been even harder.
Her current local doctor wanted my wife to admit herself to the Anchorage hospital tonight. She went just looking for some help. She has not been feeling her best but she is far from her worst.
Sitting in the doctors office with my wife and her new doctor listening to my wife being told how flying to Anchorage and being admitted would “help” her and listening to my wife saying that she did not want to go felt like we being sold something by a pushy used car salesman.
I stand by my wife with all my love and I support her unconditionally. When she said that she just wanted to go home, i stood up, put my arm around my wife and said lets go.
We are sitting at home now happy and healthy.
Our town desperately needs a GOOD psychiatrist. Not one of the charlatans, but a true honest-to-goodness person capable of managing people’s meds and giving insightful advice.
If you know of one that wants to live in live a magical place, please tell them about Homer, Alaska.
I wish everyone living with bp all the love and kindness in my heart.
Ben